Fear

Today I was thinking about fear in my life. I used to be afraid of many things--driving on the highway, for instance, and calling people I didn't know on the phone. God has helped me work through a lot of these fears (OK, by 'work through' I mean God telling me, "Go do that. Yes, I'm right here and it will be fine. Now go do it!"), and the release has been amazing.

Now, I spent a bit of time feeling all proud of myself, thinking about how awesome I am, etc. Then I realized how many things I am still afraid of. For one thing, looking for a job. I'm afraid to put myself out there like that, and afraid of the inevitable rejection. Also a serious romantic relationship, and letting go of certain things to God. Realizing this depressed me, almost. I mean, of course I'm not as awesome as I'd like to think, and I do need to work on my humility, but realizing all these things I was still afraid of was rather disheartening. If anything, it feels like all the simpler fears, like highway driving, have been removed, only to reveal the real, large fears, like job interviews and relationships. There's still a lot of work to be done on me and my fears.