Matthew 10

Freaked me out, I forget how uncompromising You can be--are?  Maybe I understand You wrong, but in my life sometimes You seem to change Your mind, be willing to forgive.  Maybe I'm confusing forgiving with compromising.  Like when I was reading a lot of this, it was just going over my head, but I heard You say, "That's OK, that's not important right now."  But I got to other parts, where You say, "Don't deny me before man, or I will deny you before the Father" I'm afraid.  I do deny You.  I do fail to tell people about You.  Please forgive me, please teach me and guide me in how to do that.  Please help me to live  my life as a testimony to You.  But I am afraid. You seemed much less forgiving and more no-nonsense than You ever seem when I'm talking with You.  Please give me the strength to follow You. Maybe You just seem uncompromising because You imply (say?  can't remember) that it's You or hell.  Is there really a hell?  That's a very uncompromising statement.  Also, if someone didn't believe that You were God, a completely crazy one.  The people who first heard You must have been so confused!  Or thought You were crazy.  Reminded me of CS Lewis, said that can't take You as an amazing guy without believing You're also God, because if don't believe You're God than all the stuff You said about it just makes You sound completely crazy.  How/why did the disciples first decide You were God, I wonder?  Did You ever say it?  Not sure, but You do show it, through miracles, through knowledge, through love.  Maybe actions are more important than words.  OK, (almost) definitely.  Can lie with words, words so arbitrary, so easy to manipulate.  But can lie with actions, too, pretend to be someone you're not, or your actions can fail to express what you want to express, what you feel,