God is eternal and unchanging. What a comforting thought, and yet how difficult to wrap your head around! It's comforting the know that God will never change, will always be loving and forgiving towards me--and yet it's so hard to imagine never changing. God has been the same ever since He created the universe as He is right now and as He will be when the universe comes to an end. Wow!
It's even harder to remember because my perceptions of God change over time as I learn more about Him. It's hard to remember that my knowledge of Him my change, my relationship with Him may change, but the change is all on my side. He is the same as He's always been.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Saturday, November 24, 2012
Story Struggles
Sorry I haven't written lately; the past week was a lot less hectic, and I used the opportunity to do a lot of relaxing and reflecting.
Thursday I had this sudden, burning, overwhelming urge to think about one of my stories in particular. Honestly, I was shocked at how much of it I remembered, and how well I remembered it. It was scary. I'd forgotten how frustrating and perhaps terrifying to not feel in control of my own mind. I finally feel better tonight. I've realized something else about my stories, and why they draw me in so much sometimes. The feelings I get when I think about my stories, or particular episodes in those stories, do not change. The same episode always makes me feel the same thing. (it's a bit creepy, actually). How many things in life do that? Normally something--a book, a memory, a place, a smell, a food, a holiday --is at least little bit different every time you experience it. It gives me a sense of stability?
I pray that I'll have the strength to resist.
Thursday I had this sudden, burning, overwhelming urge to think about one of my stories in particular. Honestly, I was shocked at how much of it I remembered, and how well I remembered it. It was scary. I'd forgotten how frustrating and perhaps terrifying to not feel in control of my own mind. I finally feel better tonight. I've realized something else about my stories, and why they draw me in so much sometimes. The feelings I get when I think about my stories, or particular episodes in those stories, do not change. The same episode always makes me feel the same thing. (it's a bit creepy, actually). How many things in life do that? Normally something--a book, a memory, a place, a smell, a food, a holiday --is at least little bit different every time you experience it. It gives me a sense of stability?
I pray that I'll have the strength to resist.
Monday, November 12, 2012
Obsession
I'm up late tonight--can't sleep.
Lately, I haven't been able to stop wanting to think about stories. All these stories I'd completely forgotten about have suddenly popped back up in my mind, calling out, "Think about me! What would happen if...?" I've given in two, three times: three times too many, and three times more than I hoped/prayed/thought I would ever think about these things again.
Then, as I was laying in bed, struggling with not thinking about stories and repeating Philippians 4:6 ("Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, bring your requests before God.") over and over and feeling so overwhelmed, I heard God say, "Get up and write something."
Man oh man did that terrify me! My first thought was of a story I came up with the summer I came back to God, which is pretty Christian, but I just couldn't stop thinking about how obsessive I get about stories once I start writing them. It's so hard to think about anything else when I'm doing that, at least for me. I could feel the pressure/obsession already. But I didn't. I hope that was the right choice. I think now that it was. Will I ever be able to write a story or novel again? Do I want to? I don't know. I know that God has a plan for me. Whether it involves writing or not, I know that it's a good plan.
God doesn't make mistakes.
Lately, I haven't been able to stop wanting to think about stories. All these stories I'd completely forgotten about have suddenly popped back up in my mind, calling out, "Think about me! What would happen if...?" I've given in two, three times: three times too many, and three times more than I hoped/prayed/thought I would ever think about these things again.
Then, as I was laying in bed, struggling with not thinking about stories and repeating Philippians 4:6 ("Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, bring your requests before God.") over and over and feeling so overwhelmed, I heard God say, "Get up and write something."
Man oh man did that terrify me! My first thought was of a story I came up with the summer I came back to God, which is pretty Christian, but I just couldn't stop thinking about how obsessive I get about stories once I start writing them. It's so hard to think about anything else when I'm doing that, at least for me. I could feel the pressure/obsession already. But I didn't. I hope that was the right choice. I think now that it was. Will I ever be able to write a story or novel again? Do I want to? I don't know. I know that God has a plan for me. Whether it involves writing or not, I know that it's a good plan.
God doesn't make mistakes.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Struggle
Lately I've really been struggling with God. I feel like it's been a real theme in my posts over the past month or so. As I was thinking about writing this, the story of Jacob wrestling with God came to mind. I've never known what to think about that story--when I was younger, I always wondered who would want to wrestle with God, and how it was that Jacob won, rather than God--if God is all-powerful, why didn't He win? Tonight, though, as I'm writing, it seems like a good metaphor. I've been ignoring God in a lot of ways--I realized, after four straight hours of watching TV on my computer the night before a test, that my inability to stop watching things on my computer, and my inability to control how I use my time, is completely out of control. I've forgotten how to let God into my life and my choices. I realized that I'd been trying to delude myself that God was telling me to leave certain parts of my life alone, when really He was trying to tell me (in no uncertain terms) to change several things: what I'm studying, what I'm doing over break, where my focus in life is, how I view His commands (having a willing heart rather than an angry, prideful, unwilling one). Our attitudes have such an impact on our lives--God did give us the right to choose, after all. I've been angry at God lately, for what I knew, deep down, He was asking me to do. Also because I just couldn't wrap my head around the paradox between our sin, and not being able to do anything without God, and what God expects of us. I'm still confused about that, but maybe not angry anymore. We'll see.
I've been rebelling a lot. In small ways: by eating a lot of candy and junk food, by staying up late, by playing computer games or watching shows online, by thinking of stories. But is any action really small? All those small actions led up to tonight, where I realized that I suddenly felt like I had no control over how I spent my time. And maybe I don't, without God. With God, I have a choice.
I've been rebelling a lot. In small ways: by eating a lot of candy and junk food, by staying up late, by playing computer games or watching shows online, by thinking of stories. But is any action really small? All those small actions led up to tonight, where I realized that I suddenly felt like I had no control over how I spent my time. And maybe I don't, without God. With God, I have a choice.
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Struggle
This whole month, really, has been a month of struggle for me in my faith. It's not that I'm doubting so much as just having moments where I can't feel God, or feel like He's trying to tell me something but I have NO idea what it is, or just feel very inadequate. I've been struggling a lot lately with pride, with God's love, with stories, with priorities. It's been rough.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Comfort in Isaiah
I've been struggling lately with my faith. Well, it's not that I've been doubting, it's more that I don't feel God as close as I was feeling Him, and I've had some very uncomfortable questions. I'm tired, and more than just physically. I had creepy dreams last night, but it was still hard to get up--there's something so alluring about evil when you're not thinking straight.
Then I started my reading in Isaiah. It was so, so unbelievably comforting:
-"I'm the one who promises it; I'm here." Isaiah 52:6 (CEB)
-"But my righteousness will last forever." Isaiah 51:8 (NIV)
-"He was pierced because of our rebellions and crushed because of our crimes. He bore the punishment that made us whole; by his wounds we are healed." Isaiah 53:5 (NIV)
Hallelujah, that we serve a living God!!
Then I started my reading in Isaiah. It was so, so unbelievably comforting:
-"I'm the one who promises it; I'm here." Isaiah 52:6 (CEB)
-"But my righteousness will last forever." Isaiah 51:8 (NIV)
-"He was pierced because of our rebellions and crushed because of our crimes. He bore the punishment that made us whole; by his wounds we are healed." Isaiah 53:5 (NIV)
Hallelujah, that we serve a living God!!
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Update
This past week was really, really hard. I couldn't seem to focus on anything, and I felt stressed about everything that needed to be done, no matter what I did. I felt like I was missing something important, and had a sense of dread. I'm still not sure what that may have been, what God may have been trying to tell me.
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Isaiah 43:1-7
But now, this is what the Lord says—
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
3 For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush and Seba in your stead.
4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give people in exchange for you,
nations in exchange for your life.
5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
I will bring your children from the east
and gather you from the west.
6 I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’
and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’
Bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the ends of the earth—
7 everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made.”
~Isaiah 43:1-7 (NIV)
These verses are just so beautiful. God loves me, you, and every single person on this earth so, so much. And He will be with us, always.
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
3 For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush and Seba in your stead.
4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give people in exchange for you,
nations in exchange for your life.
5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
I will bring your children from the east
and gather you from the west.
6 I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’
and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’
Bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the ends of the earth—
7 everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made.”
~Isaiah 43:1-7 (NIV)
These verses are just so beautiful. God loves me, you, and every single person on this earth so, so much. And He will be with us, always.
Thursday, September 27, 2012
Isaiah
For the past few weeks I've been reading Isaiah. It's been really really strange, actually. In many ways the God of Isaiah is not the God I know--He is so angry and destructive! That's a part of God that I often forget about--maybe want to forget about. Who wants to remember that God can get angry, that God will destroy sin someday? Because we all sin. What parts of ourselves will be destroyed in that destruction? (but were they really worth saving?) I don't want God to be angry with me.
Looked at another way, this anger is almost comforting. God will destroy the sin in my life. He still loves me. Even during all the destruction and anger in this book, God's love for His people still comes through. Destruction is His final, final, final option. And God has a right to be angry, after all--sin goes so against His nature and His will for us.
Looked at another way, this anger is almost comforting. God will destroy the sin in my life. He still loves me. Even during all the destruction and anger in this book, God's love for His people still comes through. Destruction is His final, final, final option. And God has a right to be angry, after all--sin goes so against His nature and His will for us.
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Update
I don't even know when the last time was that I posted here; sorry for the long delay. My life has been crazy this past month at school, with just so much to do! So I guess one big thing that I've been struggling with is not worrying and trusting God to be in control and take care of things. That's always something I struggle with, though, especially during the school year. It seems a bit unbelievable that I've been at school for more than a month now. I also feel that that gives me a bit of perspective when it comes to worrying; that thing that I was worrying about three weeks ago? I don't even remember it any more.
The other big thing going on in my life right now is that I have really been thinking about my place at my school, as a Christian. Yesterday I made a commitment, with a few others, to be more intentional about witnessing. We discussed some ways to do so that are respectful and metaphors that we can use. We decided to commit to focusing on two people--not to exclude others, but simply to make the task less daunting.
The other big thing going on in my life right now is that I have really been thinking about my place at my school, as a Christian. Yesterday I made a commitment, with a few others, to be more intentional about witnessing. We discussed some ways to do so that are respectful and metaphors that we can use. We decided to commit to focusing on two people--not to exclude others, but simply to make the task less daunting.
Sunday, September 9, 2012
Worrying
This semester, I've been super busy, but I've been taking a weekly Sabbath every Saturday. This week, though, God said to me: "Alina, I want you to take Sunday off, too."
I was not happy. But I had a very restful day, and taking two days in a row off forced me to think about a few things. For one thing, I had been depending on today to get, hopefully, a lot done. Obviously, that didn't happen. But you know what? It's really OK. God is in control here, not me. My worrying tends to increase as I have more to do. God's in control, though, and my worrying accomplishes nothing no matter how much or little I have to do!
The other thing I've been worried about lately is, oddly, going to sleep. I thought for a few days that it was because of everything that I needed to do the next day, but I realized today that it's actually because of the dreams I've been having lately. No, they're not nightmares, not by any stretch of the imagination. It's more that if I've already had enough sleep, or if I know it's almost time to wake up, or if it's a really exciting dream, I've started controlling and manipulating my dreams. It's become my new Storyland, and one that I'm much less capable of controlling. It's awful; like my mind has betrayed me, at least while I'm sleeping. And it is hard to resist the call to lose myself in fantasies when I wake up after one of those Storyland dreams. Lord, please give me strength.
I was not happy. But I had a very restful day, and taking two days in a row off forced me to think about a few things. For one thing, I had been depending on today to get, hopefully, a lot done. Obviously, that didn't happen. But you know what? It's really OK. God is in control here, not me. My worrying tends to increase as I have more to do. God's in control, though, and my worrying accomplishes nothing no matter how much or little I have to do!
The other thing I've been worried about lately is, oddly, going to sleep. I thought for a few days that it was because of everything that I needed to do the next day, but I realized today that it's actually because of the dreams I've been having lately. No, they're not nightmares, not by any stretch of the imagination. It's more that if I've already had enough sleep, or if I know it's almost time to wake up, or if it's a really exciting dream, I've started controlling and manipulating my dreams. It's become my new Storyland, and one that I'm much less capable of controlling. It's awful; like my mind has betrayed me, at least while I'm sleeping. And it is hard to resist the call to lose myself in fantasies when I wake up after one of those Storyland dreams. Lord, please give me strength.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Excellence
The start of this semester has been a struggle for me, in a lot of ways. Many of those struggles are related to academics and my classes--partly the work and getting everything done, but mostly my motivation and effort.
The Bible says "And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the father through him" (Colossians 3:17). Last semester I really, really strove to give my absolute best to all of my classes, and to turn in my absolute best for every assignment. But I've been completely unable to do that so far this semester.
There are a few reasons. Last semester I loved all of my classes, or at least liked them, and they challenged me. This semester I don't love any of them, and two of them have been outright boring and unchallenging so far. The other two are individual, and therefore so unstructured, that I've been having difficulty giving myself goals, let alone meeting those goals. Last semester I also knew that many of my classes could later be relevant to my future career--but now God has completely changed my mind about that, I'm going to seminary, and none of my classes are immediately relevant anymore.
I still want to give my all to all of my classes, even if I haven't so far. But I've decided that I'm going to. I'm going to do everything "in the name of the Lord Jesus," and that means doing it joyfully, doing it morally, and doing it as well as I am able.
The Bible says "And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the father through him" (Colossians 3:17). Last semester I really, really strove to give my absolute best to all of my classes, and to turn in my absolute best for every assignment. But I've been completely unable to do that so far this semester.
There are a few reasons. Last semester I loved all of my classes, or at least liked them, and they challenged me. This semester I don't love any of them, and two of them have been outright boring and unchallenging so far. The other two are individual, and therefore so unstructured, that I've been having difficulty giving myself goals, let alone meeting those goals. Last semester I also knew that many of my classes could later be relevant to my future career--but now God has completely changed my mind about that, I'm going to seminary, and none of my classes are immediately relevant anymore.
I still want to give my all to all of my classes, even if I haven't so far. But I've decided that I'm going to. I'm going to do everything "in the name of the Lord Jesus," and that means doing it joyfully, doing it morally, and doing it as well as I am able.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
Why?
Why didn't God reveal Himself to the whole world? Why reveal Himself to just one nation, the Israelites?
Friday, August 31, 2012
Reflections
I had my fellowship group tonight, and it was the first serious meeting of the semester.
It made me think about a few things. The first is witnessing. I've written here before about how uncomfortable I am with witnessing, or even just with thoughtfully engaging with a culture. But I've really been feeling a calling to really focus on witnessing to others this semester, more than on my personal relationship with God, which I think was my focus last semester. (Not that I'm going to ignore my personal relationship with Him! I just honestly didn't even think about witnessing at all last semester, so it's a very different focus). I'm realizing more and more how it's a vital part of Christianity, loving Jesus so much that you want to tell others about Him. Does not being willing to do that mean that you're not Christian, that you don't love Jesus enough? I don't know, just something I've been thinking about. So I've make a commitment to talking about my belief in God/Jesus more, something that's met with limited succes so far (in terms of me having the courage to talk about it, I mean).
The second thing was wealth. We were discussing Acts 2:42-47, and there's a verse in there where the disciples sell their wealth and use the money to help others who really need it. I have so much wealth, really--I have lots of stuff, and I'm in college. I know there are things I own that I could do without. I really felt a condemnation, really, about how little I've been giving to others lately, at least monetarily.
It made me think about a few things. The first is witnessing. I've written here before about how uncomfortable I am with witnessing, or even just with thoughtfully engaging with a culture. But I've really been feeling a calling to really focus on witnessing to others this semester, more than on my personal relationship with God, which I think was my focus last semester. (Not that I'm going to ignore my personal relationship with Him! I just honestly didn't even think about witnessing at all last semester, so it's a very different focus). I'm realizing more and more how it's a vital part of Christianity, loving Jesus so much that you want to tell others about Him. Does not being willing to do that mean that you're not Christian, that you don't love Jesus enough? I don't know, just something I've been thinking about. So I've make a commitment to talking about my belief in God/Jesus more, something that's met with limited succes so far (in terms of me having the courage to talk about it, I mean).
The second thing was wealth. We were discussing Acts 2:42-47, and there's a verse in there where the disciples sell their wealth and use the money to help others who really need it. I have so much wealth, really--I have lots of stuff, and I'm in college. I know there are things I own that I could do without. I really felt a condemnation, really, about how little I've been giving to others lately, at least monetarily.
Sunday, August 26, 2012
Sabbath
I took today as a Sabbath (well, it was more of a half Sabbath), as I often do on Sundays. It was, honestly, an amazing Sabbath. I spent the day sleeping in, praying, reading the Bible, spending time with friends, reading fun books, talking with my family back home, and reflecting. It was the most refreshing Sabbath I've had in a long, long time. Thank You, God!!
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Back to School
I've been having a really hard time adjusting to being back at school. I'm not entirely sure why--it just feels really weird this time around. I think part of it is that I created this idea of how it would be like to come back, without even realizing it; of course it's not actually like that, so now I feel disappointed. I've been having trouble carving out time for God. Being with my friends again feels weird, and is perhaps not a good influence, since none of them are Christian. I'm worried that the goals I've set for myself this semester are too high. I'm afraid to mention to anyone that I'm planning on going to seminary after school--it's not a very Christian campus. But I don't want to be afraid of who I am--a Christian, who is currently being called to go to seminary--nor do I want to change who I am just to fit in. I feel like I'm denying myself by not telling anyone, even while I can't seem to work up the courage to mention it to anyone.
Please help me to trust You, God, more than anything or anyone else. Please help me to give my worries to You, and trust in Your plan for me.
Please help me to trust You, God, more than anything or anyone else. Please help me to give my worries to You, and trust in Your plan for me.
Sunday, August 19, 2012
Summer Goals--Wrap-up
Since I'm heading back to school tomorrow, I feel that the summer is officially over, or practically. So I'm going to run through the goals I had going into the summer and how well I met those goals.
1) Volunteer I volunteered a few times at my church, helping them prepare for Vacation Bible School, and helped teach Sunday School a few Sundays. I had imagined myself volunteering more, but considering that I had a job for the summer, I'm pretty satisfied with how much volunteering I did.
2) Freerice I still can't quite believe it, but I actually reached my goal of getting 2 million grains! Today I hit the 2 million mark, and my final total was 2,011,260 grains. Wow!!
3) Summer reading Considering the fact that I had a job, I was really pleased with how much of my list I finished. The only books I didn't touch were a book about bees and Silent Spring by Rachel Carson (which is really too bad, I was really looking forward to reading it). I'm also still working on Parzival by Sir Wolfram Eschenbach; I only have a few chapters left.
4) Book reviews I reviewed every book I finished this summer. I even feel like my reviews have improved a bit.
5) Reflect more Hm. Sometimes I did great on this, and sometimes I did really horribly. I think that I actually reflected more last school year--perhaps because I'm so in the habit of analyzing things, perhaps because my fellowship group at school is more supportive. I did try to reflect, but it was very up and down.
6) After graduation I made a lot of progress in this direction, although not at all in the way I imagined. I scheduled my GRE and then cancelled it; that was what I felt God calling me to do. Then I felt Him calling me to go to seminary. So I researched seminaries, and spoke with three different pastors over the summer about seminary and the ministry (although I'm not sure if I'm being called to ministry--just seminary, at least at the moment).
7) Sleep! Considering the fact that I had a job and no time, I did pretty well. There were very few days when I didn't get at least eight hours of sleep, at least (I tend to need nine).
8) Exercise OK, I didn't do very well on this goal. I rarely exercised more than once a week, if that.
9) Work on thesis I read almost every book that I wanted to read this summer, which really pleased me. I didn't get a chance to read any of the articles I wanted to read, but I'm still pretty happy with what I accomplished.
10) Declutter Some decluttering happened, although not as much as I would have liked.
11) Scholarships Amazingly, I submitted 42 scholarship applications this summer. Wow!
12) Pray for others I made amazing progress on this, actually. I thought and reflected a lot about prayer this summer. I got a lot more in the habit of praying for people and situations that I see, and created a list of things to pray for throughout the year (it includes endangered species and careers). The one thing that I wish I could have worked on a bit more was the list itself--it's not done yet, and I still haven't quite gotten into the habit yet of using it every day.
1) Volunteer I volunteered a few times at my church, helping them prepare for Vacation Bible School, and helped teach Sunday School a few Sundays. I had imagined myself volunteering more, but considering that I had a job for the summer, I'm pretty satisfied with how much volunteering I did.
2) Freerice I still can't quite believe it, but I actually reached my goal of getting 2 million grains! Today I hit the 2 million mark, and my final total was 2,011,260 grains. Wow!!
3) Summer reading Considering the fact that I had a job, I was really pleased with how much of my list I finished. The only books I didn't touch were a book about bees and Silent Spring by Rachel Carson (which is really too bad, I was really looking forward to reading it). I'm also still working on Parzival by Sir Wolfram Eschenbach; I only have a few chapters left.
4) Book reviews I reviewed every book I finished this summer. I even feel like my reviews have improved a bit.
5) Reflect more Hm. Sometimes I did great on this, and sometimes I did really horribly. I think that I actually reflected more last school year--perhaps because I'm so in the habit of analyzing things, perhaps because my fellowship group at school is more supportive. I did try to reflect, but it was very up and down.
6) After graduation I made a lot of progress in this direction, although not at all in the way I imagined. I scheduled my GRE and then cancelled it; that was what I felt God calling me to do. Then I felt Him calling me to go to seminary. So I researched seminaries, and spoke with three different pastors over the summer about seminary and the ministry (although I'm not sure if I'm being called to ministry--just seminary, at least at the moment).
7) Sleep! Considering the fact that I had a job and no time, I did pretty well. There were very few days when I didn't get at least eight hours of sleep, at least (I tend to need nine).
8) Exercise OK, I didn't do very well on this goal. I rarely exercised more than once a week, if that.
9) Work on thesis I read almost every book that I wanted to read this summer, which really pleased me. I didn't get a chance to read any of the articles I wanted to read, but I'm still pretty happy with what I accomplished.
10) Declutter Some decluttering happened, although not as much as I would have liked.
11) Scholarships Amazingly, I submitted 42 scholarship applications this summer. Wow!
12) Pray for others I made amazing progress on this, actually. I thought and reflected a lot about prayer this summer. I got a lot more in the habit of praying for people and situations that I see, and created a list of things to pray for throughout the year (it includes endangered species and careers). The one thing that I wish I could have worked on a bit more was the list itself--it's not done yet, and I still haven't quite gotten into the habit yet of using it every day.
Friday, August 17, 2012
Peace
The past few days I've been very worried about going back to school. Not even about the schoolwork part of it--although it looks to be a difficult semester in terms of that, too--but about the people at school. It's not the most Christian school, in terms of a lot of the people, in fact they can be downright hostile about it. This isn't really something that's bothered me in the past, but I'm leading a Christian group this semester and pretty certain that I'm going to go to seminary after college. I think my Christianity is going to get a bit more noticed.
Anyway. So I've been worrying. Last night I couldn't sleep because of it, so I got out my iPod, put on some downhere music (my favorite Christian band), played Solitaire, and talked to God about my worries. It was such a relief. I hadn't even realized how long it's been since I've talked to God, I mean really talked to Him, without putting any barriers in the way or having to go do something else in ten minutes. It was such a relief, and so freeing.
This morning I was still worrying. I was having a hard time concentrating because of how much I was worrying. I finally said to myself, "This is completely ridiculous. You're worrying about something that is a completely hypothetical situation in the future. God is in control of the future!!" I promised myself and God that I wouldn't think about going off to college for the rest of the day. And I didn't. It was a total miracle, actually, because I'm not very good at controlling my thoughts. I did some work for my Christian group, had lunch with a friend, read a book and listened to the rain, read the Bible and talked to God about it, and it was actually a completely amazing day. God can do amazing things, even with a day that starts out full of worry!
Anyway. So I've been worrying. Last night I couldn't sleep because of it, so I got out my iPod, put on some downhere music (my favorite Christian band), played Solitaire, and talked to God about my worries. It was such a relief. I hadn't even realized how long it's been since I've talked to God, I mean really talked to Him, without putting any barriers in the way or having to go do something else in ten minutes. It was such a relief, and so freeing.
This morning I was still worrying. I was having a hard time concentrating because of how much I was worrying. I finally said to myself, "This is completely ridiculous. You're worrying about something that is a completely hypothetical situation in the future. God is in control of the future!!" I promised myself and God that I wouldn't think about going off to college for the rest of the day. And I didn't. It was a total miracle, actually, because I'm not very good at controlling my thoughts. I did some work for my Christian group, had lunch with a friend, read a book and listened to the rain, read the Bible and talked to God about it, and it was actually a completely amazing day. God can do amazing things, even with a day that starts out full of worry!
Thursday, August 16, 2012
Hebrews 4:14-16
"Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:14-16 (NIV)
For whatever reason, today the knowledge that Jesus knows what I'm going through, can empathize because of His time on earth, but stayed sinless through it all, stuck me as beautiful.
For whatever reason, today the knowledge that Jesus knows what I'm going through, can empathize because of His time on earth, but stayed sinless through it all, stuck me as beautiful.
Proverbs 8
All about wisdom--how it's more valuable than gold or silver, how you only need to look for it to find it ("Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened" Matthew 7:7), how it existed at the creation of the world. Wisdom isn't really something that people talk about today. Intelligence, knowledge, smarts, yes. But wisdom? Not really, except in fantasy stories when there's a wise old man/woman who gives the here the information they need. Even then, though, is that knowledge or wisdom? Is there a difference? I think knowledge can be wisdom--a knowledge of God, of how to help people, how the world works--but it can also be something else--the knowledge of all the capitols in the world, or of the chemicals in the Kreb's cycle, or of how to fix a car. Wisdom, God's wisdom, is knowledge of Him and His ways, following those ways and not allowing yourself to be tempted away, or at least knowing the things that really tempt you and avoiding them. God's wisdom is different than the world's wisdom ("Don't fool yourself! If you think you are wise in the things of this world, you will have to become foolish before you can be truly wise. This is because God considers the wisdom of this world to be foolish. It is just as the Scriptures say, 'God catches the wise when they try to outsmart him.'" 1 Corinthians 3:19-23), more life-giving and less constraining, I think (God does offer freedom). The world's wisdom is so set in its ways--do this or you'll look stupid and fail. I suppose God's is too--My way or hell.
Hm. That's stumped me. Well, God's intentions are so different--to love us, to free us from sin. The worlds just wants its so because that's how people do it, or that's what it thinks. Does that make sense?
"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." Psalm 111:10
Hm. That's stumped me. Well, God's intentions are so different--to love us, to free us from sin. The worlds just wants its so because that's how people do it, or that's what it thinks. Does that make sense?
"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom." Psalm 111:10
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Last Week
Well, last week was quite a roller coaster. Or maybe not a roller coaster... maybe more of a flat line, and at that a flat line that was at a much lower level than I wanted it to be at.
Sorry, did that make sense? Let me explain. I went into the week fully intending to be very productive: finish a few books before I headed back to school, finish up some of the reading for my thesis next semester, do lots of errands like getting my hair cut and activating my credit card. Let me tell you, the week definitely didn't turn out like that. I mostly just watched Stargate SG-1 (I'm a sucker for sci-fi, of all sorts and sizes) and played games on my computer. Honestly, it was kind of awful. Watching that much TV isn't even fun, it's brain-deadening and addictive and completely pointless. Same for computer games. Ick!
It was a relief to be able to break the cycle on Saturday and do some work: thesis readings, cleaning around the house, baking, and scholarships. So I've come away from that whole experience with a renewed desire to follow God whole-heartedly and try to learn more about Him. Going through the motions isn't enough.
Sorry, did that make sense? Let me explain. I went into the week fully intending to be very productive: finish a few books before I headed back to school, finish up some of the reading for my thesis next semester, do lots of errands like getting my hair cut and activating my credit card. Let me tell you, the week definitely didn't turn out like that. I mostly just watched Stargate SG-1 (I'm a sucker for sci-fi, of all sorts and sizes) and played games on my computer. Honestly, it was kind of awful. Watching that much TV isn't even fun, it's brain-deadening and addictive and completely pointless. Same for computer games. Ick!
It was a relief to be able to break the cycle on Saturday and do some work: thesis readings, cleaning around the house, baking, and scholarships. So I've come away from that whole experience with a renewed desire to follow God whole-heartedly and try to learn more about Him. Going through the motions isn't enough.
Friday, July 27, 2012
Cleaning
At work today we were weeding and cleaning. Since it's rather mindless work a lot of the time, it gave me a lot of time to think, and I actually started thinking about the processes of those two very similar tasks. In The Shack, there is a scene where the main character works in a garden (both weeding and pruning) that turns out to be his soul, and that metaphor came back to me as I was weeding today. I was thinking about: how do you know what's a weed? You have to have experience, and often help at first, to know what's a weed and what's good. Weeding is also hard work, just like working with God for a better, more Christ-like soul is. You have to make choices--am I going to pull every single one of these tiny little weeds? Are they really that important? Wouldn't it be easier to come back later and do them? Finally, weeding can be discouraging. Weeds will just keep popping back up, no matter what you do. Weeding can feel pointless, if you're not careful. But think what a mess a garden would be if you never weeded! You would never get fruit or veggies or whatever out of that garden!! And the fight for our souls is the same way--it may feel hopeless sometimes, like we'll never succeed in getting a perfect spotless soul--and we won't, even with God's help, at least not on this earth--but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try!
Later we were cleaning. When you're cleaning (especially something that isn't yours--sorry, sad but true) it's so easy to get into a mechanical state, where you just do the task without thinking about it. That often means that you don't scrub at that mark on the floor, you just mop without paying the least bit of attention to what you're doing. How often do my times with God just become mechanical--read this chapter of the Bible, now read this book, now pray for these things, now do this, now to that--without making any sort of impression on me?
Later we were cleaning. When you're cleaning (especially something that isn't yours--sorry, sad but true) it's so easy to get into a mechanical state, where you just do the task without thinking about it. That often means that you don't scrub at that mark on the floor, you just mop without paying the least bit of attention to what you're doing. How often do my times with God just become mechanical--read this chapter of the Bible, now read this book, now pray for these things, now do this, now to that--without making any sort of impression on me?
Psalm 86
This psalm really said almost everything I'm thinking about my faith right now. David praises God, asks for His protection and His help in his faith walk, and admits his own sinfulness. It really seemed like he said everything I want to say to God right now. It was pretty amazing!
Sunday, July 15, 2012
Colossians 3:14
"And above all these things put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony."
That comment about love just really struck me as being so true. Think about it--we humans were created for love by God, and so was the whole world. He loved us so much that He initiated a relationship with humans. He loved us so much that He allowed His son to die for us, to redeem us. Love really does hold the whole world together!!
That comment about love just really struck me as being so true. Think about it--we humans were created for love by God, and so was the whole world. He loved us so much that He initiated a relationship with humans. He loved us so much that He allowed His son to die for us, to redeem us. Love really does hold the whole world together!!
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
Psalm 25, 27
In both psalms, David writes about his faith in God, and that faith just blows me away. He calls on Him for forgiveness, for guidance, for wisdom, for protection, and he thinks God can do anything he asks. But He can! I have trouble wrapping my mind around the idea and believing it, but God did say that if we prayed for anything with faith, even for "a mountain to throw itself into the ocean" (Mark 11:23), He would grant our request. Wow!
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Psalm 14
The first time I read this psalm, I was caught by the first line: "The fool says in his heart, 'There is no God.'" And maybe they are fools, for not recognizing or accepting God. But there are so many of them, all around, that thinking of them as fools is probably not a good idea--it's hard to be Christian towards someone you think is a fool. Yes, they're wrong, but I can also understand where they're coming from--it's hard to see God when you don't believe in Him, and even harder to accept His guidance when you're used to doing whatever you want.
On my second read-through, I noticed more how David laments the evil and the evil people in the world. That's something that we're still doing today. It's a nice reminder that the people in the Bible weren't so different from us.
On my second read-through, I noticed more how David laments the evil and the evil people in the world. That's something that we're still doing today. It's a nice reminder that the people in the Bible weren't so different from us.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Psalm 4
As I read this, a bunch of different thoughts flashed through my head. In verse 2 David wonders how much longer men will "love vain words and seek after lies." A lot of things have changed since David wrote this psalm, but that hasn't--humans are still seeking the wrong things, still sinful. Verses 3 and 5 comforted me: "The Lord hears when I call him" and "Put your trust in the Lord." And verse 7, speaking of people who doubt God: "Thou hast put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound." God gives me joy, even though I have doubts and bad days, and I thank Him for that.
Monday, July 2, 2012
Job
I finished the book of Job a few days ago, and was really surprised at what I found.
The story of Job is often portrayed as the tale of a righteous man who suffers through trials that he did not deserve. His friends told him that he did deserve them, and that he should figure out what his sin was and confess it. Job is portrayed as a hero for sticking to his convictions and refusing to admit that he did anything wrong.
That wasn't exactly what I found. Yes, Job was righteous, and his story contradicts the common thought of the time that hard times are a direct result of a sin or sinful lifestyle. If anything, though, I thought Job was really stubborn, and not in a good way. Why not even consider the possibility that he had done something wrong, even unintentionally? That smacks of pride to me. And his proclamations that he had absolutely not sinned in any way were incredibly arrogant and incredibly untrue. I disagreed with Job's friends' stubborn insistence that Job must have deserved what happened to him in some way, but I did think all of them were right in insisting that man, including Job, is inherently depraved, that God is thousands of times higher than us, and that God has his reasons.
And when God comes to talk to Job, He doesn't exactly praise Job for his insistence that he'd done nothing wrong. He tells him that he understands absolutely nothing, and that He was much wiser and knew what He was doing. And then He reprimands Job's friends (although I didn't get the reason at all).
The story of Job is often portrayed as the tale of a righteous man who suffers through trials that he did not deserve. His friends told him that he did deserve them, and that he should figure out what his sin was and confess it. Job is portrayed as a hero for sticking to his convictions and refusing to admit that he did anything wrong.
That wasn't exactly what I found. Yes, Job was righteous, and his story contradicts the common thought of the time that hard times are a direct result of a sin or sinful lifestyle. If anything, though, I thought Job was really stubborn, and not in a good way. Why not even consider the possibility that he had done something wrong, even unintentionally? That smacks of pride to me. And his proclamations that he had absolutely not sinned in any way were incredibly arrogant and incredibly untrue. I disagreed with Job's friends' stubborn insistence that Job must have deserved what happened to him in some way, but I did think all of them were right in insisting that man, including Job, is inherently depraved, that God is thousands of times higher than us, and that God has his reasons.
And when God comes to talk to Job, He doesn't exactly praise Job for his insistence that he'd done nothing wrong. He tells him that he understands absolutely nothing, and that He was much wiser and knew what He was doing. And then He reprimands Job's friends (although I didn't get the reason at all).
Struggle
I feel like I've really been struggling spiritually lately.
You may remember that last week I promised to pray about everything for a week. The results were, more than anything else, frustrating. If I stopped praying for not very long, things really bothered me, or I just suddenly felt really down. The devil trying to tempt me? Proof that prayer does help keep me joyful? I don't know, but I do know that these lows made and make me feel so far from God. It feels impossible to get back to Him. I feel like my prayers aren't making a difference, which even I know is silly. There was the time that I prayed for a car pulling a trailer that looked really dangerous and unstable, and when I turned the corner, the driver had pulled over and was adjusting things in the trailer; there have been the multiple times when I've prayed for strength to get through something when I felt that I just couldn't, and I did in fact make it through, and even do very well indeed sometimes.
My life has suddenly become so results-oriented. When I read a book, I get more excited to be able to finish it and cross it off my list than I am about actually reading it. When I read the Bible in the morning, I'm glad when I've finished my reading even if I haven't gotten anything out of it. When I finish a book of the Bible, I feel accomplished just to be done. Please show me, Lord, that the journey is often more important than reaching the end, or maybe that the real goal is to learn something, not just to finish.
You may remember that last week I promised to pray about everything for a week. The results were, more than anything else, frustrating. If I stopped praying for not very long, things really bothered me, or I just suddenly felt really down. The devil trying to tempt me? Proof that prayer does help keep me joyful? I don't know, but I do know that these lows made and make me feel so far from God. It feels impossible to get back to Him. I feel like my prayers aren't making a difference, which even I know is silly. There was the time that I prayed for a car pulling a trailer that looked really dangerous and unstable, and when I turned the corner, the driver had pulled over and was adjusting things in the trailer; there have been the multiple times when I've prayed for strength to get through something when I felt that I just couldn't, and I did in fact make it through, and even do very well indeed sometimes.
My life has suddenly become so results-oriented. When I read a book, I get more excited to be able to finish it and cross it off my list than I am about actually reading it. When I read the Bible in the morning, I'm glad when I've finished my reading even if I haven't gotten anything out of it. When I finish a book of the Bible, I feel accomplished just to be done. Please show me, Lord, that the journey is often more important than reaching the end, or maybe that the real goal is to learn something, not just to finish.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Galatians 6
Just a few verses really stuck with me when I was reading:
"But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. For each man will have to bear his own load." (v. 4-5)
Everyone should think about their own spiritual journey, constantly, and ensure that they are still on the right path. Also, pray about it. But don't compare yourself or your spiritual journey or anything to others; you are completely different, you have a different path and journey and burden and everything. And ultimately, you will have to make your own choices.
"And let us not grow weary in well-doing" (v. 9). I have been very weary lately--I thought purely physically, but it has really been interfering with my spiritual life as well. Please help me to overcome this, Lord.
"But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor. For each man will have to bear his own load." (v. 4-5)
Everyone should think about their own spiritual journey, constantly, and ensure that they are still on the right path. Also, pray about it. But don't compare yourself or your spiritual journey or anything to others; you are completely different, you have a different path and journey and burden and everything. And ultimately, you will have to make your own choices.
"And let us not grow weary in well-doing" (v. 9). I have been very weary lately--I thought purely physically, but it has really been interfering with my spiritual life as well. Please help me to overcome this, Lord.
Monday, June 25, 2012
Summer Goals--Update
Update!
1) Volunteer Nope.
2) Freerice I freericed consistently in that I freericed every day, but I didn't meet my daily goals every day (although I always made up for it the next day). Also, my attitude was again not always (or even often) one of joyful giving so much as of performing another obligation.
3) Summer reading I have been steadily reading several of my summer reading goals. Still haven't finished another one, though!
4) Book reviews N/A this week.
5) Reflect more Hm... I'm not sure, actually, how well I met this goal. Does that suggest that I didn't reflect much on anything?
6) After graduation I've really been praying about the idea of going to seminary. Also kept studying for the GRE.
7) Sleep! I got a fairly decent amount of sleep. Yay!
8) Exercise Not so much.
9) Work on thesis I've been steadily working my way through my second thesis book. I'm almost done!
10) Declutter I decluttered my room (again).
11) Scholarships I applied to a few this week.
12) Pray for others Happened with on and off success.
I've been thinking about these updates, actually. They're beginning to seem tedious to me (maybe because nothing's happening?), and I'm wondering if it's useful to post them every week. Thoughts?
1) Volunteer Nope.
2) Freerice I freericed consistently in that I freericed every day, but I didn't meet my daily goals every day (although I always made up for it the next day). Also, my attitude was again not always (or even often) one of joyful giving so much as of performing another obligation.
3) Summer reading I have been steadily reading several of my summer reading goals. Still haven't finished another one, though!
4) Book reviews N/A this week.
5) Reflect more Hm... I'm not sure, actually, how well I met this goal. Does that suggest that I didn't reflect much on anything?
6) After graduation I've really been praying about the idea of going to seminary. Also kept studying for the GRE.
7) Sleep! I got a fairly decent amount of sleep. Yay!
8) Exercise Not so much.
9) Work on thesis I've been steadily working my way through my second thesis book. I'm almost done!
10) Declutter I decluttered my room (again).
11) Scholarships I applied to a few this week.
12) Pray for others Happened with on and off success.
I've been thinking about these updates, actually. They're beginning to seem tedious to me (maybe because nothing's happening?), and I'm wondering if it's useful to post them every week. Thoughts?
Prayer in my life
Yesterday morning, as I was about to start freericing, I suddenly felt God telling me to google "What is prayer." That is a question that I've really been thinking about lately--what is prayer, what is its purpose, how does it make a difference in the world, and why is it important? The first few results were simple dictionary definitions of prayer, which wasn't what I wanted at all. So instead I googled "prayer quotes", which led to the post yesterday of quotes about prayer. Those quotes were the ones that I felt called to share.
However, what I really got out of a lot of those quotes was the idea that--wow, a lot of people think prayer is really important, really does make a difference, and is truly something that Christians should be doing all the time. Maybe, instead of trying to decide what prayer is and how it works, I should just try it for myself. Also the idea that I don't pray enough surfaced--all the quotes viewed prayer as very important, possibly the most important thing a Christian ever does, and if that's true or even close to true, then I don't pray nearly enough.
So I decided to pray about everything in my life this week, throughout the day. So that was what I aimed for yesterday and today.
The results were a little disappointing, I must say. But I think that's also because I just expect everything to immediately have results, and really good or preferably amazing ones at that. I'm not sure that I noticed a difference, other than when I stopped praying for short amounts of time things really got on my nerves. This was true both today and yesterday. The devil trying to tempt me away from something he views as good? I'm not sure. I think I remember reading somewhere (C. S. Lewis?) that the devil really comes against someone when they're doing something good, something that will bring them closer to God.
Yesterday I tried really hard to pray about everything. It didn't completely work, of course. Today I did as well. I'm not sure I tried as hard, but I did pray some. And since I normally completely forget to pray at work, I was relatively pleased with the prayers today. And in a way my mid-day slump of feeling depressed about everything was a blessing in disguise, because it reminded me with a jolt to pray, and that I can't do things without God.
However, what I really got out of a lot of those quotes was the idea that--wow, a lot of people think prayer is really important, really does make a difference, and is truly something that Christians should be doing all the time. Maybe, instead of trying to decide what prayer is and how it works, I should just try it for myself. Also the idea that I don't pray enough surfaced--all the quotes viewed prayer as very important, possibly the most important thing a Christian ever does, and if that's true or even close to true, then I don't pray nearly enough.
So I decided to pray about everything in my life this week, throughout the day. So that was what I aimed for yesterday and today.
The results were a little disappointing, I must say. But I think that's also because I just expect everything to immediately have results, and really good or preferably amazing ones at that. I'm not sure that I noticed a difference, other than when I stopped praying for short amounts of time things really got on my nerves. This was true both today and yesterday. The devil trying to tempt me away from something he views as good? I'm not sure. I think I remember reading somewhere (C. S. Lewis?) that the devil really comes against someone when they're doing something good, something that will bring them closer to God.
Yesterday I tried really hard to pray about everything. It didn't completely work, of course. Today I did as well. I'm not sure I tried as hard, but I did pray some. And since I normally completely forget to pray at work, I was relatively pleased with the prayers today. And in a way my mid-day slump of feeling depressed about everything was a blessing in disguise, because it reminded me with a jolt to pray, and that I can't do things without God.
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Prayer Quotes
Prayer should not be regarded "as a duty which must be performed, but rather as a privilege to be enjoyed, a rare delight that is always revealing some new beauty." E.M. Bounds
Martin Luther, when once asked what his plans, for the following day were, answered: “Work, work, from early until late. In fact, I have so much to do that I shall spend the first three hours in prayer.”
Always respond to every impulse to pray. The impulse to pray may come when you are reading or when you are battling with a text. I would make an absolute law of this – always obey such an impulse. --Martyn Lloyd-Jones
Pray, and let God worry. -- Martin Luther
Martin Luther, when once asked what his plans, for the following day were, answered: “Work, work, from early until late. In fact, I have so much to do that I shall spend the first three hours in prayer.”
Always respond to every impulse to pray. The impulse to pray may come when you are reading or when you are battling with a text. I would make an absolute law of this – always obey such an impulse. --Martyn Lloyd-Jones
Pray, and let God worry. -- Martin Luther
Saturday, June 23, 2012
Update
I don't know what to write about, but I feel like I haven't posted in a while. My life has been really busy. I've been struggling to keep my time with God reflection- rather than goal- or get-it-finished-oriented (not that I'm against having goals, but being more excited about having one chapter of a Bible book left than about reading the Bible is a problem). I've been struggling with pride and impatience (related problems?), as well as tiredness (mostly physical). Working full time is hard!
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Job 1
I know the story of Job as well as anyone, although it's been a while since I last read it. More than anything, what I noticed this time was verse 21, where Job says, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return; the Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." That just blew me away--saying that, and really meaning it, after all your possessions are gone and your children have died would take amazing faith.
Monday, June 18, 2012
Goals
Summer goals review!
1) Volunteer Nope.
2) Freerice I freericed every day, although I didn't reach my per-day goal. I also wasn't very happy with my attitude about freericing. I saw it more as a chore than as a wonderful opportunity to help people.
3) Summer reading I worked on my summer reading--the butterfly book, the epic poem, and a new book I started, about the West African coast.
4) Book reviews I didn't finished any books this week, so I didn't write any reviews.
5) Reflect more If anything, I failed miserably on this goal. Last week I reflected very, very little on anything. :(
6) After graduation I kept studying for the GRE.
7) Sleep! I got a decent amount of sleep--not awesome, but not too bad, either.
8) Exercise Other than my job, I didn't do anything.
9) Work on thesis Nope. (Have I done this at all yet?)
10) Declutter Nope.
11) Scholarships I applied to two or three last week.
12) Pray for others I prayed for others--perhaps not as much as that one fantastic week I had, but some. Not as much as I would have liked, though.
1) Volunteer Nope.
2) Freerice I freericed every day, although I didn't reach my per-day goal. I also wasn't very happy with my attitude about freericing. I saw it more as a chore than as a wonderful opportunity to help people.
3) Summer reading I worked on my summer reading--the butterfly book, the epic poem, and a new book I started, about the West African coast.
4) Book reviews I didn't finished any books this week, so I didn't write any reviews.
5) Reflect more If anything, I failed miserably on this goal. Last week I reflected very, very little on anything. :(
6) After graduation I kept studying for the GRE.
7) Sleep! I got a decent amount of sleep--not awesome, but not too bad, either.
8) Exercise Other than my job, I didn't do anything.
9) Work on thesis Nope. (Have I done this at all yet?)
10) Declutter Nope.
11) Scholarships I applied to two or three last week.
12) Pray for others I prayed for others--perhaps not as much as that one fantastic week I had, but some. Not as much as I would have liked, though.
Maccabees
I just finished reading 2 Maccabees. Both 1 and 2 Maccabees were amazing books about faith in God. The Greeks tried to force the Jews to abandon the Law and God; many refused, and were persecuted and killed because of it. Judas and his brothers, the Maccabees, began fighting against the invaders. They were outnumbered, sometimes 20 or 30 to 1, but they kept fighting. And they kept winning, because before every battle they prayed to God, and they trusted in Him to help them win because they knew they were doing what was right, and because of all the wonderful things He'd done in the past. And they just kept fighting. It was a very inspiring book, while also being a bit uncomfortable--their faith was amazing and inspirational, and yet my faith is not as strong as theirs was. It was a reminder that I'm not finished working yet and of what my faith in God could do if I let it grow.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
2 Corinthians 6
The first part of this chapter (verses 4-10) speaks about how we should serve God in everything and through everything--fear, work, trials, poorness, anything. This is something I've been struggling with lately in my life, what with work being hectic and all-consuming in a lot of ways. I've prayed less and less and been less reflective in the past week, and just overall spiritually slacking off. As I read this passage, it just really struck me as a beautiful call to follow God in all parts of life and through every experience. The same thing struck me in verse 16, where Paul talks about how we are all temples of/to God--and should behave as such.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Dancing
Yesterday I heard someone say to a group of kids, "I saw how much you enjoyed dancing to the Gummy Bear song. But you didn't enjoy Every Move I Make nearly as much. You know, Jesus wants you to have just as much fun with Him as you did when you were dancing to the Gummy Bear Song. It's a lot of fun being with Him." I thought, "Of course I know that. And I did enjoy Every Move I Make more than I did the Gummy Bear Song."
Then, this morning while reading my Bible, I realized that I don't enjoy reading my Bible nearly as much as I enjoy reading other things. Why not? The stories in there are just as good, the words are just as if not more thought-provoking, and the message is even more important than anything else I'll ever read.
This realization was part of a larger realization that lately I've been seeing myself as perfect, or at least with not much room for improvement. It's something that I tend to do, really--I think part of the problem with the Christianity of my younger self was that I held this idea of myself as perfect for far too long, and it made my faith stale. Because really, if we were already perfect, why would we need God? In the past year or so I've realized how important the knowledge of my own sin is to my faith--it increases my dependence on God so much, and my knowledge of His wisdom and power. So I just really pray that God will help me to know again my own sinful nature so that I may rely on Him more fully.
Then, this morning while reading my Bible, I realized that I don't enjoy reading my Bible nearly as much as I enjoy reading other things. Why not? The stories in there are just as good, the words are just as if not more thought-provoking, and the message is even more important than anything else I'll ever read.
This realization was part of a larger realization that lately I've been seeing myself as perfect, or at least with not much room for improvement. It's something that I tend to do, really--I think part of the problem with the Christianity of my younger self was that I held this idea of myself as perfect for far too long, and it made my faith stale. Because really, if we were already perfect, why would we need God? In the past year or so I've realized how important the knowledge of my own sin is to my faith--it increases my dependence on God so much, and my knowledge of His wisdom and power. So I just really pray that God will help me to know again my own sinful nature so that I may rely on Him more fully.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Decisions
A lot of decisions have come up for me recently. Firstly, my mom asked me if I wanted to help her write a book. My first response was "NO!" I didn't want to deal with the temptation of that again--I'm still fighting the temptations from my last attempts to write novels. I didn't want to be tempted again, to give myself more opportunities to slip up, to possibly give myself more stories to fight against.
Secondly, I've really been thinking about what I want to do with my life after college. Going to graduate school is definitely something that I've considered. Something that I've been thinking about a lot recently, especially during the last semester, was working in education--whether in some sort of nonprofit, as a teacher, or as a professor. Today someone told me that they really thought I should consider going to seminary and becoming a pastor, and that they thought I'd be good at it. Honestly, the thought just blew me away. It's not something that I'd ever considered for myself, and I've honestly never thought of myself as the kind of person who would make a good pastor. Although I guess it's not the person that makes the pastor, it's God. I promised to think and pray about it. I'm trying to be open about it. God does not seem to be immediately opposed to the idea, at least.
Ultimately, I'm so glad that I don't actually have to make these decisions, or any decisions, really. God will make them all. I do have to decide to follow Him, but I think that's still easier than to make such a huge decision like a career choice, because I know that God has a plan for me, and that anything He asks me to do is part of that plan. I would, however, appreciate prayers: for my decision-making process, that I will be able to hear God speaking to me and have the courage to do what He asks of me. Amen.
Secondly, I've really been thinking about what I want to do with my life after college. Going to graduate school is definitely something that I've considered. Something that I've been thinking about a lot recently, especially during the last semester, was working in education--whether in some sort of nonprofit, as a teacher, or as a professor. Today someone told me that they really thought I should consider going to seminary and becoming a pastor, and that they thought I'd be good at it. Honestly, the thought just blew me away. It's not something that I'd ever considered for myself, and I've honestly never thought of myself as the kind of person who would make a good pastor. Although I guess it's not the person that makes the pastor, it's God. I promised to think and pray about it. I'm trying to be open about it. God does not seem to be immediately opposed to the idea, at least.
Ultimately, I'm so glad that I don't actually have to make these decisions, or any decisions, really. God will make them all. I do have to decide to follow Him, but I think that's still easier than to make such a huge decision like a career choice, because I know that God has a plan for me, and that anything He asks me to do is part of that plan. I would, however, appreciate prayers: for my decision-making process, that I will be able to hear God speaking to me and have the courage to do what He asks of me. Amen.
Worry
"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you shall eat or what you shall drink, nor about your body, what you shall put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add one cubit to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they neither toil nor spin; yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O men of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek all these things; and you heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things shall be yours as well.
"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day's own trouble be sufficient for the day." Matthew 6:25-34 (RSV)
I have been really anxious lately. I'm not even entirely sure why. I can be quite a worrier. I don't want to be, not anymore. I know that God will take care of everything. I believe that He will take care of everything.
Maybe what I really need is a change in perspective. Last time I did this--worried about everything, pretty much--all it took to break the funk was a little change in perspective, the realization that a little change in my viewpoint would make so many of the things I was worrying about not even really worth worrying about. Like finishing all my summer goals, down to the letter. That was my original goal, going into the summer. But that was before I got a job. And even if I hadn't gotten a job, is that really something worth worrying about? Will worrying magically get things done? Should I take my list as a MUST BE DONE OR DEATH kind of list? Of course not! It's a list of things that should be done, will make my life easier later, or that I put on there in the hope that they would bring me closer to God. Of course all of those things are important, and I fully intend to try as hard as I can to still complete as many goals as possible; but worrying won't accomplish that anyway.
Maybe I just feel like a bad Christian when I worry. Thankfully God doesn't care about what a "good Christian" or a "bad Christian" looks like. He just loves me, and wants me to love Him back. He just wants a relationship with me, whatever that ends up looking like.
"Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Let the day's own trouble be sufficient for the day." Matthew 6:25-34 (RSV)
I have been really anxious lately. I'm not even entirely sure why. I can be quite a worrier. I don't want to be, not anymore. I know that God will take care of everything. I believe that He will take care of everything.
Maybe what I really need is a change in perspective. Last time I did this--worried about everything, pretty much--all it took to break the funk was a little change in perspective, the realization that a little change in my viewpoint would make so many of the things I was worrying about not even really worth worrying about. Like finishing all my summer goals, down to the letter. That was my original goal, going into the summer. But that was before I got a job. And even if I hadn't gotten a job, is that really something worth worrying about? Will worrying magically get things done? Should I take my list as a MUST BE DONE OR DEATH kind of list? Of course not! It's a list of things that should be done, will make my life easier later, or that I put on there in the hope that they would bring me closer to God. Of course all of those things are important, and I fully intend to try as hard as I can to still complete as many goals as possible; but worrying won't accomplish that anyway.
Maybe I just feel like a bad Christian when I worry. Thankfully God doesn't care about what a "good Christian" or a "bad Christian" looks like. He just loves me, and wants me to love Him back. He just wants a relationship with me, whatever that ends up looking like.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Summer Goals
A review of my summer goals:
1) Volunteer I volunteered at church today, setting up decorations for Vacation Bible School.
2) Freerice I have done freerice every day (although one day I didn't reach my goal and had to continue on the next day). However, I have not always done it with a light heart. One day I just was not in the mood, and one day I couldn't help wondering what the point of doing so little was.
3) Summer reading list I finished one book on my list, the book of Hawaiian legends, and have started another, a book about butterflies.
4) Book reviews I have reviewed every book that I finished this week.
5) Reflect more My reflections, and the time I've spent on them, have been very up and down this week, and very connected to how I felt spiritually. There were days were I could really feel God and just felt so joyful, and on those days I reflected a great deal. But there were other days where I didn't feel that connected and I didn't really reflect on anything.
6) After graduation options I continued studying for the GRE this past week. Next week, though, I really want to put more time into both studying for the GRE and looking for possible graduate schools/programs.
7) Sleep! I don't think I did as well as I did last week, but I got a decent enough amount of sleep.
8) Exercise Again, I only exercised once this week. :(
9) Work on thesis I finished one of my thesis books! And started another one.
10) Declutter I worked my way through my email account some.
11) Scholarships I applied to a few scholarships, and drafted the essay for another one. This is another one of my goals that I really want to work on this next week.
12) Pray for others I really improved on this overall, although there were a few days where I didn't pray very much. I've been praying for others on my way to work, and some of the time when I'm answering questions on freerice, and it's really increased the amount of time I'm spending praying for others. I've also felt a related increase in how close I feel to God; I feel like on the days I prayed a lot for others, I also felt much closer to God and felt His peace and joy a lot more.
I will, of course, keep working towards these goals. I really think that the process of making a list of goals, and reviewing the goals and my progress towards those goals each week, is really beneficial. It forces me to think about my goals regularly and see how I'm doing with them. It's also very helpful to just think about things you want to improve on, especially on a regular basis.
1) Volunteer I volunteered at church today, setting up decorations for Vacation Bible School.
2) Freerice I have done freerice every day (although one day I didn't reach my goal and had to continue on the next day). However, I have not always done it with a light heart. One day I just was not in the mood, and one day I couldn't help wondering what the point of doing so little was.
3) Summer reading list I finished one book on my list, the book of Hawaiian legends, and have started another, a book about butterflies.
4) Book reviews I have reviewed every book that I finished this week.
5) Reflect more My reflections, and the time I've spent on them, have been very up and down this week, and very connected to how I felt spiritually. There were days were I could really feel God and just felt so joyful, and on those days I reflected a great deal. But there were other days where I didn't feel that connected and I didn't really reflect on anything.
6) After graduation options I continued studying for the GRE this past week. Next week, though, I really want to put more time into both studying for the GRE and looking for possible graduate schools/programs.
7) Sleep! I don't think I did as well as I did last week, but I got a decent enough amount of sleep.
8) Exercise Again, I only exercised once this week. :(
9) Work on thesis I finished one of my thesis books! And started another one.
10) Declutter I worked my way through my email account some.
11) Scholarships I applied to a few scholarships, and drafted the essay for another one. This is another one of my goals that I really want to work on this next week.
12) Pray for others I really improved on this overall, although there were a few days where I didn't pray very much. I've been praying for others on my way to work, and some of the time when I'm answering questions on freerice, and it's really increased the amount of time I'm spending praying for others. I've also felt a related increase in how close I feel to God; I feel like on the days I prayed a lot for others, I also felt much closer to God and felt His peace and joy a lot more.
I will, of course, keep working towards these goals. I really think that the process of making a list of goals, and reviewing the goals and my progress towards those goals each week, is really beneficial. It forces me to think about my goals regularly and see how I'm doing with them. It's also very helpful to just think about things you want to improve on, especially on a regular basis.
Friday, June 8, 2012
Giving Thanks
Today I am thankful for:
-living in a country with freedom of religion
-beautiful flowers with bees on them
-air conditioning
-cake
-a night spent playing dominoes with my family
-food
-air
-the internet
-good days at work
-having conversations with your coworkers
-the Bible
-books
-reading
-my family
-the sun
-having a job
-creativity
-salad
-pears
-water
-being able to walk around in my socks
-my iTrip that lets me play my music in the car, and good music to sing along to while I drive
-God's joy and peace
-God's faith
-Disney music
-epic music
-erasers
-crayons
-being able to ask questions
-having tomorrow off
-being able to go to bed soon
-a morning full of prayer and God
-chances to serve others and God
-living in a country with freedom of religion
-beautiful flowers with bees on them
-air conditioning
-cake
-a night spent playing dominoes with my family
-food
-air
-the internet
-good days at work
-having conversations with your coworkers
-the Bible
-books
-reading
-my family
-the sun
-having a job
-creativity
-salad
-pears
-water
-being able to walk around in my socks
-my iTrip that lets me play my music in the car, and good music to sing along to while I drive
-God's joy and peace
-God's faith
-Disney music
-epic music
-erasers
-crayons
-being able to ask questions
-having tomorrow off
-being able to go to bed soon
-a morning full of prayer and God
-chances to serve others and God
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Permanent Marker
I spent rather a while today trying to get permanent marker off a table. Ha!
But it did get me thinking. All it had taken to get those stains on the table was a minute or two of unthinking writing or drawing on the table with a permanent marker, maybe even less. All it took was to forget to put something between the paper and the table. In the short run, it's actually easier to not be careful of the marker bleeding through. How like our spiritual life! In the short run, it's so much easier to just let sin run loose in our life--we don't have to try to fight, we can just do whatever we want and not have to think about anything. But living like that lives permanent stains. Even when we are trying to be careful, all it takes is a minute, maybe less, of letting our guard slip, and suddenly we have sinned. And the stains on our soul from that are even harder to get off than the stains of permanent marker.
But it did get me thinking. All it had taken to get those stains on the table was a minute or two of unthinking writing or drawing on the table with a permanent marker, maybe even less. All it took was to forget to put something between the paper and the table. In the short run, it's actually easier to not be careful of the marker bleeding through. How like our spiritual life! In the short run, it's so much easier to just let sin run loose in our life--we don't have to try to fight, we can just do whatever we want and not have to think about anything. But living like that lives permanent stains. Even when we are trying to be careful, all it takes is a minute, maybe less, of letting our guard slip, and suddenly we have sinned. And the stains on our soul from that are even harder to get off than the stains of permanent marker.
1 Corinthians 12
Paul writes of how the church is the body of Christ, and each believer is a vital part of that body. Every part does a really important job, without which the body would be either handicapped or dead. I've read this passage many times before, but today I really thought about it. I thought about the human body, and how intricate it really is--so much more so than Paul realized, with DNA and RNA and enzymes and all sorts of crazy amazing stuff that controls and builds the organs Paul talks about, like the eyes and the arms. I find that image of Christ's body, as an incredibly intricate system of small cells or enzymes or whatever working together for a goal, guided by some force they can't really understand, even more wonderful and amazing. What an awesome picture of God's body!
Worrying Again!
Last night, while reading through the Screwtape Letters, we read the following: "There is nothing like suspense and anxiety for barricading a human's mind against the Enemy [God]. He wants men to be concerned with what they do; our business is to keep them thinking about what will happen to them" (letter 6). This really struck me (and everyone else; we spent a while talking about worrying), I think because I had experienced this earlier in the day yesterday, and even skirted around the thought that worrying separates you from God, although I don't think I ever verbalized it. I was just really worried yesterday that I would be late for work; I spent most of the morning worrying about it, rather obsessively (for no good reason, I might add; I had plenty of time to get to work, and I knew it, but for some reason I just could not stop worrying about it). And it really stopped me from praying. I normally pray on the way to work, but yesterday I just couldn't because of how worried I was. It really did get between me and God.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Judith 16
Just a great reminder that God can save you from any situation, no matter how hopeless it may seem. One small town, Bethulia, stood against a HUGE army; but, through Judith, God defeated that army. Through our small actions, God can make a difference.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Summer Goals
Time for a review!
1) Volunteer I volunteered once at my church, helping make Vacation Bible School decorations.
2) 2 million grains on freerice As I write this, I've averaged about what I wanted per day in terms of donations. However, that's only because I spent a good amount of time today catching up on all the time I didn't spend doing this during the week. I want to focus more on doing freerice consistently, every day, and reaching my goal daily, not just weekly.
3) Summer reading list I finished The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks (which was really really good, and I would totally recommend it to anyone), and I've been steadily working my way through the book of Hawaiian legends.
4) Book reviews I have kept on top of this and reviewed every book that I've read.
5) Reflect more Not really. I woke up really tired most mornings this week, too tired to really think about what I was reading. I tried, really! And I think that on the mornings I wasn't tired, I did reflect on what I was reading. Overall I probably reflected about the same amount, but it was all clustered in the weekend times, when I didn't have to work and therefore didn't have to get up early.
6) After graduation options I studied a few chapters in my GRE study book.
7) Sleep! Considering the fact that I worked all week, I did surprisingly well on this. Even though I woke up really tired every morning I had to go to work, I did get a decent amount of sleep every night. Also, every weekend morning I woke up feeling wonderfully rested.
8) Exercise Again, I only exercised once this week. :(
9) Work on thesis I have kept working my way through that thesis book!
10) Declutter Nope, I haven't done anything for this goal.
11) Scholarships Haven't done anything for this goal, either.
12) Pray for others Did about the same this week, I think. I didn't concentrate as much on just sitting down and praying, but did it a lot driving to work. Also, almost without thinking, I have been praying for almost every emergency vehicle I see or hear.
1) Volunteer I volunteered once at my church, helping make Vacation Bible School decorations.
2) 2 million grains on freerice As I write this, I've averaged about what I wanted per day in terms of donations. However, that's only because I spent a good amount of time today catching up on all the time I didn't spend doing this during the week. I want to focus more on doing freerice consistently, every day, and reaching my goal daily, not just weekly.
3) Summer reading list I finished The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks (which was really really good, and I would totally recommend it to anyone), and I've been steadily working my way through the book of Hawaiian legends.
4) Book reviews I have kept on top of this and reviewed every book that I've read.
5) Reflect more Not really. I woke up really tired most mornings this week, too tired to really think about what I was reading. I tried, really! And I think that on the mornings I wasn't tired, I did reflect on what I was reading. Overall I probably reflected about the same amount, but it was all clustered in the weekend times, when I didn't have to work and therefore didn't have to get up early.
6) After graduation options I studied a few chapters in my GRE study book.
7) Sleep! Considering the fact that I worked all week, I did surprisingly well on this. Even though I woke up really tired every morning I had to go to work, I did get a decent amount of sleep every night. Also, every weekend morning I woke up feeling wonderfully rested.
8) Exercise Again, I only exercised once this week. :(
9) Work on thesis I have kept working my way through that thesis book!
10) Declutter Nope, I haven't done anything for this goal.
11) Scholarships Haven't done anything for this goal, either.
12) Pray for others Did about the same this week, I think. I didn't concentrate as much on just sitting down and praying, but did it a lot driving to work. Also, almost without thinking, I have been praying for almost every emergency vehicle I see or hear.
1 Corinthians 9
Paul talks a lot about how he, as an apostle, has the right to be fed by the Church. Is it a right? Do we have rights in God, or just things He allows us? Do servants have rights? But I'm not denying that the church should feed Paul, because I think that they should. And not even because he's the one who converted them all. Then Paul says he's too proud to take food from the church. Why? (and what is he eating?) Am I missing something here? Isn't pride a bad thing? Or is he just trying to help the churches by not giving them something else to do or seeming to demand his "rights"? (although he does spend quite a while proving his right to his rights, so maybe not). Because he says, "Nevertheless, we have not made use of this right, but we endure anything rather than put an obstacle in the way of the gospel of Christ" (v. 12b, RSV), and later that his reward for preaching the gospel is "that in my preaching I make the gospel free of charge, not making full use of my right in the gospel" (v. 18).
A couple things really caught my eye. Paul says, "For if I preach the gospel, that gives me no ground for boasting. For necessity is laid upon me. Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel!" (v. 16) When God asks us to do something, He's not really asking. As Christians who want to serve God, our duty is to do what He requires, every time. Secondly, the chapter ends with the famous race analogy: "Do you not know that in a race all the runners compete, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Well, I do not run aimlessly, I do not box as one beating the air; but I pommel my body and subdue it, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified" (v. 24-27). It really struck me today--when running a race, you can't just suddenly stop trying and still expect to win. Likewise, in my life as a Christian, I can't just suddenly stop trying and expect to be able to pick everything up again when I feel like trying again. Also, as Paul says, we need to exercise self-control to be able to keep running. I've been realizing more and more how important self-control really is.
A couple things really caught my eye. Paul says, "For if I preach the gospel, that gives me no ground for boasting. For necessity is laid upon me. Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel!" (v. 16) When God asks us to do something, He's not really asking. As Christians who want to serve God, our duty is to do what He requires, every time. Secondly, the chapter ends with the famous race analogy: "Do you not know that in a race all the runners compete, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath, but we an imperishable. Well, I do not run aimlessly, I do not box as one beating the air; but I pommel my body and subdue it, lest after preaching to others I myself should be disqualified" (v. 24-27). It really struck me today--when running a race, you can't just suddenly stop trying and still expect to win. Likewise, in my life as a Christian, I can't just suddenly stop trying and expect to be able to pick everything up again when I feel like trying again. Also, as Paul says, we need to exercise self-control to be able to keep running. I've been realizing more and more how important self-control really is.
Saturday, June 2, 2012
Media
I spent a lot of today watching TV. It's something I do a lot when I'm home; my family likes to watch TV, and my best friend here loves to watch stuff with me. I'm not sure why it feels different, doing it with other people. I watch plenty of TV when I'm at college, too. But here, it seems as if every time I watch something, I really enjoy it, but right after I get a really empty feeling inside, like I've done something wrong, or maybe was expecting to get something out of watching whatever-it-was that I didn't end up getting out of it. That happened to me today. And I started thinking about when this happens to me. Well, firstly when I let my TV-watching get out of control and don't do it to honor God. Yep, definitely going on today. Also when I watch expecting to get something more than entertainment, or perhaps a bit of thought or reflection, out of it. Something like fulfillment. Yeah, maybe it sounds silly. But I think it's something I used to do a lot when I wasn't a Christian. And in many ways I remember it being rather fulfilling, at least in the short term (am I just remembering things better than they were?)--maybe because my standards were much lower?
The other problem with watching so much TV is that it gets me thinking about my stories. The world that they present in TV--in most, if not all, media, actually--is a world that's almost perfect except for one or two little problems, which can be solved relatively easily by a self-dependent character in the amount of time required for the book/show/movie/whatever to be done exactly when it needs to be done. In many ways, such a world-view appeals to me; hence, I think, my tendency to create my own such worlds, inside my head and then on paper. It's so tempting--what a simple, perfect world, where characters really can solve their own problems without God!!
Logically, such a world view no longer appeals to me, at all. Unfortunately, the habit of thinking about the characters I created for such worlds is not so easily broken. The idea/temptation to think about them has been popping up a lot this past week. It's been difficult. Also a bit frustrating--I thought I'd solved this problem! And maybe that idea is the problem. I've never had the strength myself to deal with this problem, or any of my other problems. Thinking that I'm avoiding thinking about my stories myself means that I'm thinking of myself as in charge and self-dependent (independent?), when I'm actually not. I just pray for the strength and wisdom to resist this new onslaught of temptation through God's wisdom and guidance.
The other problem with watching so much TV is that it gets me thinking about my stories. The world that they present in TV--in most, if not all, media, actually--is a world that's almost perfect except for one or two little problems, which can be solved relatively easily by a self-dependent character in the amount of time required for the book/show/movie/whatever to be done exactly when it needs to be done. In many ways, such a world-view appeals to me; hence, I think, my tendency to create my own such worlds, inside my head and then on paper. It's so tempting--what a simple, perfect world, where characters really can solve their own problems without God!!
Logically, such a world view no longer appeals to me, at all. Unfortunately, the habit of thinking about the characters I created for such worlds is not so easily broken. The idea/temptation to think about them has been popping up a lot this past week. It's been difficult. Also a bit frustrating--I thought I'd solved this problem! And maybe that idea is the problem. I've never had the strength myself to deal with this problem, or any of my other problems. Thinking that I'm avoiding thinking about my stories myself means that I'm thinking of myself as in charge and self-dependent (independent?), when I'm actually not. I just pray for the strength and wisdom to resist this new onslaught of temptation through God's wisdom and guidance.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
1 Corinthians 4:5
"So don't make judgments about anyone ahead of time--before the Lord returns. For he will bring our darkest secrets to light and will reveal our private motives. Then God will give to each one whatever praise is due." 1 Corinthians 4:5 (NLT)
Just another expanded version of "Do not judge" (Matthew 7:1, Luke 6:37), but it really got me thinking about judgment. I must say, it's always been a command that I've had trouble wrapping my head around, let along following. "Do not judge"--what are we supposed to do about sin, then? Ignore it? I'm often told to condemn the sin without condemning the sinner. How do you do that in real life? What's the Biblical precedent for that? (for instance, maybe Jesus refusing to condemn the adulterous woman for her adultery by throwing a stone at her but still being willing to tell her to stop sinning? See John 7:53-8:11) I used to often wonder how a loving God could condemn us for our our sin, but I think now that he loves us too much to allow us to destroy ourselves through sin, and that He hates sin too much to allow it to go uncondmened (and perhaps unpunished?). And what about yourself? May you judge yourself? How do you know what you're doing wrong if you don't think about it and judge yourself? OK, that question is actually rather simple--God tells you. And right before the verse above, Paul says, "I don't even trust my own judgment on this point. My conscience is clear, but that doesn't prove I'm right. It is the Lord himself who will examine me and decide" (1 Corinthians 3-4, NLT). Even with ourselves, we can't judge well; we must allow God to do it.
Ultimately, we are not to judge because only God can know what's in a person's heart, what they've experienced, why they did what they did. Only He knows whether a person had the right motives, maybe even whether they sinned or not. After all, God may forbid me to do something but not forbid it to someone else. And that's what Paul is saying in this verse.
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I read that verse in 1 Corinthians early in the day, before I went to work at my new job. I feel like God was trying to warn me, and I unfortunately just didn't heed His warnings at all. I went to work. There are two groups of workers, half of which look really punk, weird, whatever. The other half looks more normal and acts more what I would call normal, with lots of joking and whatever. I'm ashamed to say, I picked the normal half and almost ignored the other half. Then I started judging the "normal" half and how shallow they are. Lord, please forgive me. Please help me to act according to Your will tomorrow, not mine.
Also, I tried out a new Christian group and during the meeting this quote was brought up (it's from The Screwtape Letters by C. S. Lewis, which is a series of letters from one demon to another advising him about how best to tempt/destroy this man's soul and therefore send him to hell). Here, Screwtape is advising Wormwood about how to turn this man away from the church because of the hypocrisy/unpleasantness he sees or thinks he sees there. He writes, "All you then have to do is to keep out of his mind the question 'If I, being what I am, can consider that I am in some sense a Christian, why should the different vices of those people in the next pew prove that their religion is mere hypocrisy and convention?' You may ask whether it is possible to keep such an obvious thought from occurring even to a human mind. It is, Wormwood, it is! Handle him properly and it simply won't come into his head." (from the 3rd letter, if anyone wants to go look it up or read more). What a vital question to ask yourself when you start judging people: "If I, being what I am, can consider that I am in some sense a Christian, why should the different vices of those people in the next pew prove that their religion is mere hypocrisy and convention?" May I remember it more.
Just another expanded version of "Do not judge" (Matthew 7:1, Luke 6:37), but it really got me thinking about judgment. I must say, it's always been a command that I've had trouble wrapping my head around, let along following. "Do not judge"--what are we supposed to do about sin, then? Ignore it? I'm often told to condemn the sin without condemning the sinner. How do you do that in real life? What's the Biblical precedent for that? (for instance, maybe Jesus refusing to condemn the adulterous woman for her adultery by throwing a stone at her but still being willing to tell her to stop sinning? See John 7:53-8:11) I used to often wonder how a loving God could condemn us for our our sin, but I think now that he loves us too much to allow us to destroy ourselves through sin, and that He hates sin too much to allow it to go uncondmened (and perhaps unpunished?). And what about yourself? May you judge yourself? How do you know what you're doing wrong if you don't think about it and judge yourself? OK, that question is actually rather simple--God tells you. And right before the verse above, Paul says, "I don't even trust my own judgment on this point. My conscience is clear, but that doesn't prove I'm right. It is the Lord himself who will examine me and decide" (1 Corinthians 3-4, NLT). Even with ourselves, we can't judge well; we must allow God to do it.
Ultimately, we are not to judge because only God can know what's in a person's heart, what they've experienced, why they did what they did. Only He knows whether a person had the right motives, maybe even whether they sinned or not. After all, God may forbid me to do something but not forbid it to someone else. And that's what Paul is saying in this verse.
**********************************************
I read that verse in 1 Corinthians early in the day, before I went to work at my new job. I feel like God was trying to warn me, and I unfortunately just didn't heed His warnings at all. I went to work. There are two groups of workers, half of which look really punk, weird, whatever. The other half looks more normal and acts more what I would call normal, with lots of joking and whatever. I'm ashamed to say, I picked the normal half and almost ignored the other half. Then I started judging the "normal" half and how shallow they are. Lord, please forgive me. Please help me to act according to Your will tomorrow, not mine.
Also, I tried out a new Christian group and during the meeting this quote was brought up (it's from The Screwtape Letters by C. S. Lewis, which is a series of letters from one demon to another advising him about how best to tempt/destroy this man's soul and therefore send him to hell). Here, Screwtape is advising Wormwood about how to turn this man away from the church because of the hypocrisy/unpleasantness he sees or thinks he sees there. He writes, "All you then have to do is to keep out of his mind the question 'If I, being what I am, can consider that I am in some sense a Christian, why should the different vices of those people in the next pew prove that their religion is mere hypocrisy and convention?' You may ask whether it is possible to keep such an obvious thought from occurring even to a human mind. It is, Wormwood, it is! Handle him properly and it simply won't come into his head." (from the 3rd letter, if anyone wants to go look it up or read more). What a vital question to ask yourself when you start judging people: "If I, being what I am, can consider that I am in some sense a Christian, why should the different vices of those people in the next pew prove that their religion is mere hypocrisy and convention?" May I remember it more.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Summer Goals
Time for a check-up!
1) Volunteer I volunteered once this week with my church, helping to make Vacation Bible School decorations.
2) 2 million grains on freerice I have kept steadily working towards this. I have a little more than 800,000 grains. However, through most of the week I have a bad attitude about spending so much of my time on freerice. This attitude is something I want to work on in this coming week.
3) Summer reading list I finished a book on my reading list, started another one, and continued working on a third book. I also read three books this past week that are not on my summer reading list.
4) Book reviews I have reviewed every book that I finished this week.
5) Reflect more I don't think that I reflected more on my Bible readings, perhaps even a bit less than I did last week. I also think that I reflected less on my life in general in the past week.
6) After graduation options I spent about an hour this week studying for the GRE.
7) Sleep! I did not in fact sleep as much as I should have in the past week.
8) Exercise I only exercised once this week. This is definitely something I need to work on.
9) Work on thesis I have started to read one of the books I plan to use for my thesis.
10) Declutter I worked on my room (it looks a lot better!) and finished my purse.
11) Scholarships I spent a lot of time on that this week. I applied to nine scholarships, as well as creating a list of scholarships I should apply to, the deadline for the scholarship, and other information. My mother also challenged me to apply to 50 scholarships this summer, which I intend to aim for. I've applied to 10 so far!
12) Pray for others Last Sunday, I promised God and myself that I would spend 10 minutes every day praying for others. I reached this goal six out of the last seven days. However, most of this time was spent praying, getting distracted, praying, getting distracted, and so on. I would like to work more on being able to pray for longer periods of time without getting distracted.
I also got a summer job this week. It's full time, so posts may be scarce from now on (although hopefully not!). My goal is to still try to complete all of these summer goals. It may be impossible, but that seems to be what God wants from me. Maybe the extra challenge/time crunch of it will force me to be much more efficient about it than I was last week.
1) Volunteer I volunteered once this week with my church, helping to make Vacation Bible School decorations.
2) 2 million grains on freerice I have kept steadily working towards this. I have a little more than 800,000 grains. However, through most of the week I have a bad attitude about spending so much of my time on freerice. This attitude is something I want to work on in this coming week.
3) Summer reading list I finished a book on my reading list, started another one, and continued working on a third book. I also read three books this past week that are not on my summer reading list.
4) Book reviews I have reviewed every book that I finished this week.
5) Reflect more I don't think that I reflected more on my Bible readings, perhaps even a bit less than I did last week. I also think that I reflected less on my life in general in the past week.
6) After graduation options I spent about an hour this week studying for the GRE.
7) Sleep! I did not in fact sleep as much as I should have in the past week.
8) Exercise I only exercised once this week. This is definitely something I need to work on.
9) Work on thesis I have started to read one of the books I plan to use for my thesis.
10) Declutter I worked on my room (it looks a lot better!) and finished my purse.
11) Scholarships I spent a lot of time on that this week. I applied to nine scholarships, as well as creating a list of scholarships I should apply to, the deadline for the scholarship, and other information. My mother also challenged me to apply to 50 scholarships this summer, which I intend to aim for. I've applied to 10 so far!
12) Pray for others Last Sunday, I promised God and myself that I would spend 10 minutes every day praying for others. I reached this goal six out of the last seven days. However, most of this time was spent praying, getting distracted, praying, getting distracted, and so on. I would like to work more on being able to pray for longer periods of time without getting distracted.
I also got a summer job this week. It's full time, so posts may be scarce from now on (although hopefully not!). My goal is to still try to complete all of these summer goals. It may be impossible, but that seems to be what God wants from me. Maybe the extra challenge/time crunch of it will force me to be much more efficient about it than I was last week.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
The Design Revolution, continued
The wrap-up of my earlier comments (view them here) about The Design Revolution, by William A. Dembski, more about my spiritual rather than scientific reactions.
Overall, I found Dembski's argument convincing, especially on a spiritual level--God created the world, and why couldn't He do it in a subtle way? If anything, the subtle way is almost more awe-inspiring: God has been subtly working to create humans for the past 3.7 billion years (or 4.6 billion if you include the creation of the earth, or 14.6 billion if you include the creation of the universe). That's pretty cool!
Actually, ever since I started reading this book, I've been repeatedly coming across Bible verses about how God created the earth.
"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the men of old received divine approval. By faith we understand that the world was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was made out of things which do not appear." Hebrews 11:1-3
"Ever since the creation of the world his invisible nature, namely, his eternal power and deity, has been clearly perceived in the things that have been made." Romans 1:20
"Thou art the Lord, thou alone; thou hast made heaven, the heaven of heavens, with all their host, the earth and all that is on it, the seas and all that is in them; and thou preservest all of them; and the host of heaven worships thee." Nehemiah 9:6
I think what's most important of all is the knowledge that God created the earth and the universe, not the knowledge of how He did it.
So I'll conclude by saying that I found this book very thought-provoking, and recommending it to anyone who may have questions about intelligent design.
Overall, I found Dembski's argument convincing, especially on a spiritual level--God created the world, and why couldn't He do it in a subtle way? If anything, the subtle way is almost more awe-inspiring: God has been subtly working to create humans for the past 3.7 billion years (or 4.6 billion if you include the creation of the earth, or 14.6 billion if you include the creation of the universe). That's pretty cool!
Actually, ever since I started reading this book, I've been repeatedly coming across Bible verses about how God created the earth.
"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the men of old received divine approval. By faith we understand that the world was created by the word of God, so that what is seen was made out of things which do not appear." Hebrews 11:1-3
"Ever since the creation of the world his invisible nature, namely, his eternal power and deity, has been clearly perceived in the things that have been made." Romans 1:20
"Thou art the Lord, thou alone; thou hast made heaven, the heaven of heavens, with all their host, the earth and all that is on it, the seas and all that is in them; and thou preservest all of them; and the host of heaven worships thee." Nehemiah 9:6
I think what's most important of all is the knowledge that God created the earth and the universe, not the knowledge of how He did it.
So I'll conclude by saying that I found this book very thought-provoking, and recommending it to anyone who may have questions about intelligent design.
Nehemiah 9
A prayer. Most of the prayer is actually just the history of God and the Israelites. They did that a lot, and today it finally hit me why. They were praising God for His faithfulness in the past, and also through that reassuring themselves that He would keep His promises by looking at all the times He did so in the past.
Then I started thinking about how I don't really do that when I pray. I mean, sometimes I'll pray about a Bible verse I just read, or I'll pray about Jesus or mention that God created the world or are love or something. Is that the same thing? There is something good about reminding yourself of God's goodness and past actions. Should I do it? Yes, I think I will try it out.
Then I started thinking about how I don't really do that when I pray. I mean, sometimes I'll pray about a Bible verse I just read, or I'll pray about Jesus or mention that God created the world or are love or something. Is that the same thing? There is something good about reminding yourself of God's goodness and past actions. Should I do it? Yes, I think I will try it out.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
The Design Revolution
Today I'm going to do something a bit different. I just finished reading The Design Revolution, by William A. Dembski. It's about the idea of intelligent design, in the form of a series of questions that critics of the idea would or have asked him about the idea of intelligent design. I just wanted to write down my thoughts about the book here.
A huge theme in this book is the dogmatism of science today, especially when it comes to evolution. Scientists believe that evolution is true. Period. In many ways the ideas of a dogmatic science may seem counter-intuitive--after all, isn't the idea of science to reach for new knowledge in an unbiased way?--but I think it's true, at least to a certain extent. It's certainly true of scientists and creationism (which is separate than intelligent design, which simply states that some being created or shaped life as we know it)--every scientist I've ever known speaks of creationism as really stupid. Scientists try to think of themselves as open-minded, but they often have a very set thought pattern. This is true not just in their thinking about intelligent design versus evolution, but in everything.
Another theme was the complexity of life. Dembski argues that irreducible complexity--a system where taking out any one part of the system makes the system unable to function--is a reliable way to spot intelligent design. The idea behind this is that such a system, where everything is vitally important, could not gradually evolve--it must have come about just the way it is, because no other combination of parts makes a functioning whole. On one level that makes sense--in fact, a similar technique is used in lots of other things too, like archaeology and cryptology--and on another level I doubt it. How can we infer anything about a designer we know nothing about? He/she/it (I'm speaking here of a purely theoretical designer, not the God that I ultimately believe to be the designer) is so far beyond our understanding that how can we infer/decide anything about him/her/it? (I suppose you could make a similar argument about Christianity, but we have the guidance of God. He spoke to us and told us about Himself. How much would we have known otherwise, though?) Dembski did address this point, by pointing out that archaeologists and cryptologists and so on don't need to know anything about the person who made the artifact/code they're analyzing to be able to realize that it's been designed, and I suppose the same is true here. Also, of course, science shouldn't just shy back because of the possibility that they won't understand or that they're wrong, because there's always that possibility.
Irreducible complexity, Dembski argues, is something that has not been adequately explained by evolutionists. It's true that a hypothesis is not the same as proof that something happened the way the hypothesis says it did. But Dembski also argues that evolutionists need to provide proof that some irreducibly complex system evolved gradually, as they claim irreducible complexity did evolve. How would they prove that? It is, after all, impossible to un-evolve an organism back to the way it was X million years ago, after all. The lack of proof and provability to a lot of evolutionary biology, especially the formation of species and macroevolution in general, is a huge problem for evolution. All of the proof for macroevolution is based on inferences, mostly from evidence like the incomplete fossil record, DNA, and geographical location/history. The problem with inferences is that if you don't understand the situation as well as you think you do, you can be so completely wrong and still think that all the evidence points your way.
And it is true that so much of macroevolution especially is still a complete mystery to biologists, whether they want to admit it or not. Dembski even goes so far as to claim that it is a completely unproven theory. My first response to that was definitely to get all defensive, but in a way it's true. Certain amounts of species formation has been observed by biologists--for instance in apple and hawthorn flies, which used to be a single species. Once the apple tree was introduced to North America, some flies switched to feeding on them. Over time, this switch appears to have led to the isolation, and possibly complete splitting off into a separate species by, the apple-feeding flies (For more information see Berkeley's "Sympatric Speciation" and Martin G. Kelly's "As the Worm Turns: Speciation and the Apple Maggot Fly"). However, this is a short-term example. Yes, there are other examples, but just because one species of fly appears to be able to split into two species without obvious help doesn't mean that a plant or animal could evolve from a bacteria, or birds from reptiles, or any of the other major evolutionary transitions that have occurred in the history of life could have occurred, without help. Yes, there is most definitely proof that macroevolution and the formation of species has occurred. That doesn't mean that those new species arose purely because of evolutionary mechanisms, or even because of evolutionary mechanisms at all. So many new species and new innovations, like flight in birds and flowers and insect pollination, seem to have just suddenly appeared, and no one really has any idea how or why. The typical explanation is that much of evolution is driven by ecological factors, many or all of which it would be impossible to determine from the fossil record, or that the fossil record is spotty enough that intermediate fossils don't exist or haven't been found yet. And maybe at least some of that's true. But the more I've learned about such problems, the more I think that something must have pushed or nudged to get things to how they are now, or at least on the path to become so. Take the evolution of flight in birds. No one can really think of any good intermediate reason for the reptiles that evolved into birds to have gone from having four legs to having two legs and two wings. Wouldn't the intermediate have been awkward, to say the least? It's clear that they two are related, evolutionarily, but again that doesn't prove that evolution was the mechanism that caused reptiles to evolve into birds. (Perhaps I should point out here that when I say 'evolution', I mean completely random evolution with no input at all from any outside source, ie the designer ie God)
Which brings up another really interesting, and I found really convincing point, and that is the tendency of life to go from less to more complex. Evolutionists always explain it as the way things are, just a tendency of evolution, but that really doesn't make sense. The Second Law of Thermodynamics says that the entropy (ie randomness, and presumably also organization/complexity) of a system (such as the universe) is always increasing, and the only way to increase the organization is to put energy into doing so. Why would a completely random evolution favor an increase in complexity? It doesn't make sense. Especially since increases in complexity in the history of life almost always seem to just appear, almost out of nowhere. Why would God want to create a world full of complex organisms? Did He really create the whole universe and history of life just for us humans? If so, why go to all the trouble? Why not just create humans and the earth, as He wanted them, at the beginning, like Genesis says? Of course, I have no idea, I was just wondering. If anything, I'd say that if you look at how natural selection acts on organisms, it favors simplicity. Parasites especially tend to become extremely simple over time. Natural selection has been proven to be able to modify existing structures and behaviors, but it has never been observed creating entirely new structures (although it is often argued, and there is some support for this, that most "new" structures are actually pre-existing, modified structures).
One problem I did have with the book was Dembski's criticism of evolutionary biology for its lack of ability to make predictions. Biology is not physics or mathematics, where every theory has a working, fairly accurate formula. Life is not predictable like numbers are. We understand how natural selection works (and natural selection is a proven phenomenon, which Dembski admits as well), but we do not understand how an organism's body works; it's much too complex. We also don't particularly understand how ecosystems work. But it's these two things that are interacting, because with natural selection the ecosystem is one of the things that is putting pressure on the organism and its body. So how could we possibly predict what would happen? (Is this the point Dembski is trying to make?)
Another, more scientific criticism I had was the fact that Dembski totally ignored several aspects of evolution. Evolution occurs through four mechanisms: mutation, gene flow, genetic drift, and selection (Wikipedia's article "Evolution" is actually pretty thorough, and mentions a few other evolutionary forces as well). Only selection, and only natural selection at that, were even mentioned (there's also artificial and sexual selection--possibly because neither are particularly random, unlike the other evolutionary forces), except for a few brief mentions of mutation. This did surprise me a bit, not least because all four of these mechanisms are essentially completely random processes (which was a large, and I thought rather successful part of his argument--come on, how likely or logical is it that nothing would evolve into a bacteria would evolve into a plant, animal, fungus, or protist completely because of random processes? Those are all extremely complex organisms, after all!). I think that the other evolutionary forces should have been addressed at least a bit more.
Wow. This turned into a really long post! Thanks for bearing with me, and I hope it mostly made sense (if not let me know!). I still have more to say, but I'm done for now. I think I'll post more on this tomorrow, more on the spiritual rather than scientific side.
A huge theme in this book is the dogmatism of science today, especially when it comes to evolution. Scientists believe that evolution is true. Period. In many ways the ideas of a dogmatic science may seem counter-intuitive--after all, isn't the idea of science to reach for new knowledge in an unbiased way?--but I think it's true, at least to a certain extent. It's certainly true of scientists and creationism (which is separate than intelligent design, which simply states that some being created or shaped life as we know it)--every scientist I've ever known speaks of creationism as really stupid. Scientists try to think of themselves as open-minded, but they often have a very set thought pattern. This is true not just in their thinking about intelligent design versus evolution, but in everything.
Another theme was the complexity of life. Dembski argues that irreducible complexity--a system where taking out any one part of the system makes the system unable to function--is a reliable way to spot intelligent design. The idea behind this is that such a system, where everything is vitally important, could not gradually evolve--it must have come about just the way it is, because no other combination of parts makes a functioning whole. On one level that makes sense--in fact, a similar technique is used in lots of other things too, like archaeology and cryptology--and on another level I doubt it. How can we infer anything about a designer we know nothing about? He/she/it (I'm speaking here of a purely theoretical designer, not the God that I ultimately believe to be the designer) is so far beyond our understanding that how can we infer/decide anything about him/her/it? (I suppose you could make a similar argument about Christianity, but we have the guidance of God. He spoke to us and told us about Himself. How much would we have known otherwise, though?) Dembski did address this point, by pointing out that archaeologists and cryptologists and so on don't need to know anything about the person who made the artifact/code they're analyzing to be able to realize that it's been designed, and I suppose the same is true here. Also, of course, science shouldn't just shy back because of the possibility that they won't understand or that they're wrong, because there's always that possibility.
Irreducible complexity, Dembski argues, is something that has not been adequately explained by evolutionists. It's true that a hypothesis is not the same as proof that something happened the way the hypothesis says it did. But Dembski also argues that evolutionists need to provide proof that some irreducibly complex system evolved gradually, as they claim irreducible complexity did evolve. How would they prove that? It is, after all, impossible to un-evolve an organism back to the way it was X million years ago, after all. The lack of proof and provability to a lot of evolutionary biology, especially the formation of species and macroevolution in general, is a huge problem for evolution. All of the proof for macroevolution is based on inferences, mostly from evidence like the incomplete fossil record, DNA, and geographical location/history. The problem with inferences is that if you don't understand the situation as well as you think you do, you can be so completely wrong and still think that all the evidence points your way.
And it is true that so much of macroevolution especially is still a complete mystery to biologists, whether they want to admit it or not. Dembski even goes so far as to claim that it is a completely unproven theory. My first response to that was definitely to get all defensive, but in a way it's true. Certain amounts of species formation has been observed by biologists--for instance in apple and hawthorn flies, which used to be a single species. Once the apple tree was introduced to North America, some flies switched to feeding on them. Over time, this switch appears to have led to the isolation, and possibly complete splitting off into a separate species by, the apple-feeding flies (For more information see Berkeley's "Sympatric Speciation" and Martin G. Kelly's "As the Worm Turns: Speciation and the Apple Maggot Fly"). However, this is a short-term example. Yes, there are other examples, but just because one species of fly appears to be able to split into two species without obvious help doesn't mean that a plant or animal could evolve from a bacteria, or birds from reptiles, or any of the other major evolutionary transitions that have occurred in the history of life could have occurred, without help. Yes, there is most definitely proof that macroevolution and the formation of species has occurred. That doesn't mean that those new species arose purely because of evolutionary mechanisms, or even because of evolutionary mechanisms at all. So many new species and new innovations, like flight in birds and flowers and insect pollination, seem to have just suddenly appeared, and no one really has any idea how or why. The typical explanation is that much of evolution is driven by ecological factors, many or all of which it would be impossible to determine from the fossil record, or that the fossil record is spotty enough that intermediate fossils don't exist or haven't been found yet. And maybe at least some of that's true. But the more I've learned about such problems, the more I think that something must have pushed or nudged to get things to how they are now, or at least on the path to become so. Take the evolution of flight in birds. No one can really think of any good intermediate reason for the reptiles that evolved into birds to have gone from having four legs to having two legs and two wings. Wouldn't the intermediate have been awkward, to say the least? It's clear that they two are related, evolutionarily, but again that doesn't prove that evolution was the mechanism that caused reptiles to evolve into birds. (Perhaps I should point out here that when I say 'evolution', I mean completely random evolution with no input at all from any outside source, ie the designer ie God)
Which brings up another really interesting, and I found really convincing point, and that is the tendency of life to go from less to more complex. Evolutionists always explain it as the way things are, just a tendency of evolution, but that really doesn't make sense. The Second Law of Thermodynamics says that the entropy (ie randomness, and presumably also organization/complexity) of a system (such as the universe) is always increasing, and the only way to increase the organization is to put energy into doing so. Why would a completely random evolution favor an increase in complexity? It doesn't make sense. Especially since increases in complexity in the history of life almost always seem to just appear, almost out of nowhere. Why would God want to create a world full of complex organisms? Did He really create the whole universe and history of life just for us humans? If so, why go to all the trouble? Why not just create humans and the earth, as He wanted them, at the beginning, like Genesis says? Of course, I have no idea, I was just wondering. If anything, I'd say that if you look at how natural selection acts on organisms, it favors simplicity. Parasites especially tend to become extremely simple over time. Natural selection has been proven to be able to modify existing structures and behaviors, but it has never been observed creating entirely new structures (although it is often argued, and there is some support for this, that most "new" structures are actually pre-existing, modified structures).
One problem I did have with the book was Dembski's criticism of evolutionary biology for its lack of ability to make predictions. Biology is not physics or mathematics, where every theory has a working, fairly accurate formula. Life is not predictable like numbers are. We understand how natural selection works (and natural selection is a proven phenomenon, which Dembski admits as well), but we do not understand how an organism's body works; it's much too complex. We also don't particularly understand how ecosystems work. But it's these two things that are interacting, because with natural selection the ecosystem is one of the things that is putting pressure on the organism and its body. So how could we possibly predict what would happen? (Is this the point Dembski is trying to make?)
Another, more scientific criticism I had was the fact that Dembski totally ignored several aspects of evolution. Evolution occurs through four mechanisms: mutation, gene flow, genetic drift, and selection (Wikipedia's article "Evolution" is actually pretty thorough, and mentions a few other evolutionary forces as well). Only selection, and only natural selection at that, were even mentioned (there's also artificial and sexual selection--possibly because neither are particularly random, unlike the other evolutionary forces), except for a few brief mentions of mutation. This did surprise me a bit, not least because all four of these mechanisms are essentially completely random processes (which was a large, and I thought rather successful part of his argument--come on, how likely or logical is it that nothing would evolve into a bacteria would evolve into a plant, animal, fungus, or protist completely because of random processes? Those are all extremely complex organisms, after all!). I think that the other evolutionary forces should have been addressed at least a bit more.
Wow. This turned into a really long post! Thanks for bearing with me, and I hope it mostly made sense (if not let me know!). I still have more to say, but I'm done for now. I think I'll post more on this tomorrow, more on the spiritual rather than scientific side.
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