T-Shirt

Today I wore a Kirk vs. Picard t-shirt.  When I went to the movies, the cashier commented on it.  It struck me as really sweet.

Genesis 20

Here again Abraham tells someone that Sarah is his sister, not his wife.  Again, some king gets in serious trouble with God for having a new wife that wasn’t actually his.  This time they did make it extremely clear that no extramarital sex occurred (I wasn’t sure the other time) (is this just a different version of the other story, I wonder, or did it happen twice?) (if it happened twice, You were very patient, God.  But You are, really).  Anyway, You punished the king for taking Sarah as his wife, even though he didn’t know Sarah was married, and couldn’t have known.  Do You always punish us for our unintentional sins, too?  Abimelech seems like a decent guy--other than the fact that he seems to just take random women as wives, whether anyone involved wants it or not--because I can’t imagine Abraham actually agreeing to let the king have Sarah as his wife.  If he did, than Abraham is was more of a wimp than I thought.  I see a definite pattern, though, where You punish the people Abraham meets, but You don’t seem to punish Abraham.  Maybe I’m forgetting something, but--why is that?  Why, for instance, does Abraham get more sheep, cattle, etc. because he lied to the king about Sarah, and the king gets punished?  Isn’t the whole situation really Abraham’s fault, not the king’s?  Well, except for the fact that the king is just kidnapping random women for wives.  He doesn’t seem to have learned a lesson about that.  Is there a lesson?  Or would there have been, 1000s of years ago, when women were little more than property?  But You use and love and have relationships with women, too.

Discussion

Today I saw a good friend I haven’t seen in a long time.  Discussing the Bible with her was an amazing reminder of the need for good Christian friends.

Genesis 19

Sodom and Gomorrah.  As I was reading this, I was getting really into the story, the excitement and the tension.  That was cool, thank You.  The men of Sodom were really creepy.  Just have sex with some random guy off the street??  Lot was the only good person in the city--everyone but him came and wanted to rape the angels.  Including his daughters’ future husbands?  When he’s facing off the crowd, Lot is so determined to protect his guests that he offers his two daughters instead.  That would have been a huge sacrifice for him--they would be disgraced forever, and I assume he loved them enough to just not want to see them disgraced and hurt that way--but he doesn’t seem to have hesitated.  Wow.  That was very selfless of him, and I’m sure it’s supposed to be seen as a good deed on his part.  But he also doesn’t seem to think at all about his daughters except as a bargaining chip, as something he has every right to offer to the ravening mob to protect his guests.  Do You really see that as right?  Noticed the angels didn’t let that happen; they blinded the mob instead.  Also noticed that You kept Your promise to Abraham--less than 10 good people in the city, so OK for You to destroy it and You still saved Lot.  Wish You always saved good people.  You destroy sin.  Lot’s two daughters are weird.  Like, there aren’t any other men in the entire world?!  Why couldn’t you have gotten married?  That must have been the most awkward conversation ever... “Hey, dad.  The thing is, I’m pregnant.”  “Me too.”  “What?!  With who?  How?”  “Well... with you.”  “Both of us.”  “We got you drunk and came in and had sex with you while you were completely smashed because we were afraid that we would never have kids and our line would die.”  “I’m sorry, you did what?”  Like, who does that?   Not sure how acceptable it was to the Israelites or to you, though--the sons became the Moabites and the Ammonites, neither of which were known for their goodness.

Genesis 18

You came to Abraham.  Abraham had amazing hospitality--or did he know the men were angels?  Because then it’s just You speaking.  You seem to have a physical presence here (or just the angels?).  Sarah laughed (another version of why Isaac means ‘he laughs’?).  Love how much they skirt around saying anything about anything when it comes to womanhood.  You decided not to hide anything from Abraham (You chose him--why him?).  Why did You need to go see how bad Sodom and Gomorrah were?  Didn’t You already know?  Then You admit to mercy, wouldn’t destroy the city if fifty righteous there--bring it down to 10.  You are merciful.

Presentation

I had a big presentation today.  Right before I was about to go, I just gave the whole presentation to You.  And it totally worked!!  I was loud enough even though I wasn’t really trying or thinking about it, stumbled a bit at the beginning but then got over it and actually wasn’t nervous at all!  That’s never happened to me before!  So thank You, thank You, thank You!!

Genesis 17

More of Your promises and so far they’ve all been kept--Jews still around, still a big group.  i think this is the first time You mention that Abram has to keep up his side of the deal, too--rather than just saying that he’s righteous.  Well, sort of.  The Israelites broke Your covenant all the time, but You were still loyal to them.  What’s so special about circumcision?  Why is that the sign You chose? (that is what it is, right?)  Besides being rather male-centric, how does that set Your people apart?  Why not choose something more visible? (Christianity isn’t necessarily a visible difference...)You change Abram and Sarai’s names.  Names are important.  Like in yesterday’s chapter, Hagar calls You “a God of seeing.”  Way to laugh at God, Abraham.  Great idea.  Now your son has to be called “he laughs” forever.  Ishmael--blessed, but not part of the covenant.  :(  Why Abram and his descendant Isaac?  What was so special about Abraham?  Why did You choose him to be the first with Your covenant between You, when You had billions of people to choose from arrayed all through time?  What made Abraham (and Sarah?) so special?  Mush have sucked, getting circumcised at 99.  And for the slaves, too, who had no choice at all, just had to get bought with this crazy guy who came up with circumcision.  :/  Abraham did come away from talking with You, though, and immediately do what You told him.  Good model.

Bank Teller

I talked to a very kind banker on the phone today.  I had a horrible day and really wasn’t looking forward to calling them, but the guy I got was very nice, and for whatever reason talking to him just made me feel so much better.  Thank You God!

Genesis 16

It’s really interesting that Abram and Sarai both seem to think it’s not weird to consider Hagar’s child their own.  Very controlling master-servant (master-slave?) relationship.  Is it just me, or are we supposed to sympathize with Hagar?  This is why should have one man and one woman, otherwise jealousy’s ridiculous.  Don’t blame Hagar at all for her contempt.  But God comforts Hagar, says her son’s descendants will be numerous, too--or is that just because of Abram?  You didn’t want her to despair, You wanted her to keep living.  And Hagar is amazed that You allowed her to see You and live.  But she just saw an angel; does that mean angels are just smaller versions of You?  Sarai blames Abram rather than taking blame herself--like Adam and Eve.  Did she know she’d done wrong?  I think what she did was wrong, forcing her maid to have “her” child.  And she wasn’t trusting that You would give her a child, someday (did Abram ever tell her about Your promise?).  But Abram still knew, and he still slept with her anyway (Men... *snorts*).  And once Hagar starts hating Saria (but not him... hm, interesting), he seems to think Sarai has the right (although that could just be a survival thing, not wanting to live with an angry wife, or just automatically assuming that his wife was right and the servant was wrong).  Either way, he definitely tells Sarai that she can do whatever the hell she wants with Hagar, which is such a recipe for disaster.  Hagar and Sarai probably hate each other at this point!  Hagar hates Sarai because Sarai ordered her to go in to Abram and now she’s pregnant and it’s not even technically her child, and Sarai hates Hagar because Hagar can do everything for Abram that she can’t--well, just bear children, but that was obviously hugely important to her.  What a mess!!  You also seem to side with Sarai a bit.  You tell Hagar to go back to her mistress and submit, implying that Sarai does have a legit claim on Hagar.  Or maybe Hagar staying with Sarai was just part of Your plan.  But You do often want us to acknowledge the legit power, even if it’s not always right.  In some ways this is a very New Testament idea, doing the right thing by acknowledging the proper authority and suffering under it.  Or do You want us to fight unjust powers?  Then again, all powers are unjust to some degree, to someone.  I guess that’s something that really would require Your guidance to do well (but that’s true of everything).

Peace

I felt incredibly rested and peaceful this morning when I woke up.  Even when I realized that my alarm hadn’t gone off and I was late.  And I got out the door on time.

Genesis 15

This chapter struck me as really beautiful.  You promised Abram that You’d take care of him, in many different ways.  A little fragmentary.  Interesting, how You said the time wasn’t right because ‘the iniquity of the Amorites is not yet complete,’ like You were just sitting, waiting for them to mess up enough that You could punish them.  But at the same time could alost be seen as You letting them make their own decisions, waiting to see what they’ll do.  I can’t imagined You’d have still destroyed them if they had repented.  Also, poor Eliezer, who’s mentioned just this once.  Really interesting mixture of complete belief--I believe I’ll have a son--and questioning.  Again, though, You don’t seem to mind Abram questioning You.  That’s good to know.  :)

Listening

I was talking with someone today.  I really wanted to go to bed, but she really wanted to talk.  The thought flashed across my mind: God loves her, too, and I stayed to listen.  I’m glad I did.

Genesis 14

Adventure story!  Lot is captured by warring kings, and Abram rescues him.  I think it’s interesting that just as much time is spent on background as on the rescuing, and they never do say how Abram did it.  Hm... it’s almost like we’re not supposed to know Abram, they almost reintroduce him.  Lessons... don’t accept gifts from pagan kings?  There is the moment with Melchizedek, who’s credited with being the first true priest for You.  I wonder how that happened?  Like so many other people, he gets one mention and then is never seen again.  Also rescue your family members when they’ve been captured by warring kings... or just when they need help, lol.

Soil

Photo from http://www.mysciencebox.org/soilanalysis

I was learning about soil today.   I was struck by the complexity of everything, how plants affect and change soil and how soil determines what plants can live where.  The speaker was talking about how finely everything is balanced, how if this one thing hadn’t happened, then everything on earth today would be different.  I see You in that complexity, in the fine balance between so many different aspects of nature to create an environment where humans can live.

Genesis 13

Abram and Lot have too many cattle, so they can’t live together anymore.  Abram allows Lot to choose first which way he’ll go--which was very kind and generous of him, since Abram was the elder and could definitely have chosen first if he’d wanted, and no one would have argued or saw that as wrong.  And it’s only after this that Abram promises that Abram and his descendants will be given the land forever.  Abram had to prove himself?  But no, God had already promised Abram--wait, no.  God had already promised Abram that his descendants would become a great nation, but he never promised him what would become the land of Israel until he was actually there.  He had to prove himself by actually going there first? Don’t know.  It’s an interesting thought!

Church

Photo from http://www.stained-glass-patterns.org/

Singing hymns in church and really feeling them.  It’s been too long.  Then a woman at church took the time to introduce herself, to talk with me, to introduce me to others to make me feel welcome, even though she knew I was only staying one week.  I saw You in her kindness, Lord.  May others see You in me.

Genesis 12

Abram had amazing faith, to just follow You like that.  I wonder what the story behind that was, how Abram developed his relationship with You, how You first revealed Yourself to him.  I guess they were a nomadic people, so they were always moving, but they were also moving away from the places they knew, so they wouldn’t know where to take their flocks to feed them and would have to rely on God.  Abram’s automatic response, whever anything happens between him and God is to build an altar--to worship.  Please help me to have the same response, Lord.  What does the famine have to do with going to Egypt?  How did Abram, a nomadic visitor, get introduced to the pharaoh, anyway?  Abram lied, didn’t trust God to protect him and Sarai.  But this was before God had revealed His true nature--not much later, Abram thinks it’s perfectly normal to sacrifice his son to You.  So pharaoh took Sarai as is wife???  Oops.  It’s so interesting, though, how You punished pharaoh for his accidental sin--after all, how was he to know Sarai was already married?--and rewarded Abram for his intentional deception and sin--it sounds like pharaoh gave Abram all sorts of gifts because of Sarai.  I guess it could be another clever form of punishment to the pharaoh.  How did Sarai feel about all this?  It sounds like Abram basically let the pharaoh take Sarai as his wife, without protesting.  That must have been terrifying!  Or maybe the women were used to being treated like possessions.  I don’t know.  Still, though... Or maybe God rewarded Abram because of his earlier promise, that he would curse anyone who cursed Abram.  You keep Your promises--but You also let us take the consequences of our own sin.  At least now You do.  But things were different in the Old Testament--You were different.  Or maybe just everyone’s perception of You was different--You are unchanging, after all.  But how You act really does seem to change between the Old Testament and the New Testament.  Then again, does changing how You act necessarily change who You are, why You act the way You do?  I don’t know.  Overall, Abram has really good moments and moments when I really don’t like him--so he’s like all of us, I guess.

Children

Photo from http://www.wechealthunit.org/family-health/safety/
articles/teaching-children-traffic-safety-rules

Seeing the joy of children running around in the park and dancing to the music that was playing there.

Genesis 11

First the tower of Babel.  This seems to me like a really old myth, where You aren’t described as You would be later.  Like, the first time I read “nothing that they propose to do will now be impossible for them,” I thought You sounded almost threatened, and I think that’s much more something a god like Zeus would think.  The second time I thought it sounded like You wanted to keep man from accomplishing too much which, again, is something Zeus would think of.  I’ve always felt like those gods never really want humans to succeed--like when they punish the man who stole fire for humanity..  I’ve always thought You wanted us to succeed, but maybe not.  Then again, maybe You also have a different perception of success--for example, someone who follows You is successful no matter what they have or haven’t done with, say, their career?  Or maybe You didn’t want them to get arrogant?  And You “go down” to confuse whoever’s building the tower, makes it sound like You have a physical body.  Reminded me of Genesis 1, I think You were described with a body there, too.  Then more genealogies, leading up to Abram this time.  I think Sarai is the first woman to be mentioned by name since Eve, although Noah’s wife was mentioned, as were Noah’s sons’ wives.

View

Image from http://www.summitpost.org/cone-peak/151711

Sitting on a rock, looking at a gorgeous view of a snow-covered mountain and a bunch of mountain meadows.  I just couldn't think about anything but how wonderful and amazing and awesome You are.

Genesis 10

Another genealogy.  This one is pretty interesting because it's all about how Noah's sons (who are supposed to be the only people left) populated the world--like, these guy's descendants became the coast people, this one's became the Philistines, and so on.  I wonder what "a mighty hunter before the Lord" means (about Nimrod, 10:9).  He was the first to be "a mighty man".  I wonder what he did to earn that title.  I bet it's a really interesting story.  What a tantalizing hint!  Then again, I wouldn't be all that excited about the story if it had been in the Bible the whole time.

Sitting outside

Photo from http://www.outreach.psu.edu/shaverscreek/
index-wpsu-features.html

Sitting outside, I realized how much a part of us nature is; we're not meant to be inside all day.  I have such a sense of peace and joy when I'm outside--being so obviously in Your creation?  I've definitely always seen You more in nature than in people.  Is that bad?

Genesis 9

More about humans ruling the earth.  Ick.  You also say that they can eat any animals--so why do You have clean and unclean animals for the Israelites?  What's 9:5 about, all that about the lifeblood?  My Bible's notes say that whole section is God saying to restrain violence because violence was part of the corruption of the earth before the flood.  Is lifeblood something to do with souls?  Then Your covenant with Noah, to no flood the earth again.  Marked by a rainbow.  Why do You need reminding of Your promises?  Is it realy to remind us?  Were there no rainbows before the flood?  Rainbows seen from orbit are actually perfect circles--what a beautiful reminder of Your promise.  Like a circle has no end, so You love has no end, and You'll keep Your promises forever.  And then Noah gets drunk.  It's good to know no one's perfect.  Ham must have been the youngest.  :)  Seriously, though, totally know people like that; everyone probably does.  Who instead of doing anything about anything, just tell people about the problem.  It seems to me that Noah overreacts, though; what about a little forgiveness?  Didn't you ever get drunk?  Isn't cursing Ham and his descendants to be his brothers' slave forever a little extreme?  If every parent cursed their child every time they did something wrong, there'd be a lot of cursed children out there. Then again, I bet Noah felt just incredibly humiliated once he woke up.  Still--whole thing's a great lesson in how not to act, except for Shem and Japheth; they were very mature.

Mountains

photo from http://www.everytrail.com/best/hiking-oregon

Reading psalms in a mountain meadow.  Reading about Your glory while surrounded by the majesty of Your creation was an amazing reminder of Your power and presence.  Very peaceful.  The psalms are beautiful--they seem to say what my souls wants to say.

Genesis 8

In this chapter You flooded the earth.  If everything was flooded for 10 months--sorry, 13 months--how did the plants survive?  Those are some hardy plants.  13 months--that's a long time to stay in an ark with 8 people!  And a bunch of animals, but not sure I'd mind that as much.  After everything, Noah worshipped You.  A lesson, I think.  And then You decided You'd never flood the earth again, or mess with it so much again, until the end of the earth.  That's very good to know, considering global warming and stuff.  It's funny to think--OK, awe-inspiring--that You could change the seasons if You wanted to.  But why not?  You created the whole universe, so the power needed to change the earth's orbit or location is completely possible for You, even though for us the thought of the power needed to do that is so staggering we can't comprehend it.  Speaking of space, something I've always wondered--if there are aliens, are You their God, too?  Or are we really the only planet with life in the universe?  Would they worship You?  What would Your history with them be?  How would Jesus have died for them? (if he did--but I don't see why he wouldn't have).  Would they have their own Garden of Eden-like story?   (Because I somehow don't think You would have done things exactly the same there).  Very interesting to think about.  But anyway--the part where You decide never to curse the earth (sorry, ground) because of humans again ("For the imagination of man's heart is evil from his youth"... hm.  Thought-provoking. We'll always find more ways of being evil.  And that I can believe) (what is global warming, then?  (Or just humans in general?  Sometimes they seem to me like quite a curse for the poor earth).  No, wait.  Global warming is a direct result of our actions, and God never protects us from the consequences of our actions.  Whereas the flood was God's punishment, thought of by God, and not a direct consequence of man's sins).  Anyway, when You decide to not curse the ground again, that makes it sound like a split-second decision.  Didn't you already know what You were going to do, because You can see the future?  Or, well, I've always liked the idea of You being able to see the past, present, and future all at the same time because time works differently for You than it does for us, but that's not the point.  But I guess You could still decide to change the future by making a different decision, or maybe it's just a decision because there were other choices You could have made.  Like when You gave us free will--You didn't have to, and You knew how that would turn out, the sacrifice You'd ultimately have to make, but You still did it.  Did the Trinity exist in the Old Testament?  Don't see why it shouldn't've, of course, and it seems weird that they should just spring into being as Jesus was conceived.  But never mentioned (of course).  And doesn't Jesus say something about the Holy Spirit coming into existence soon after he returns to Heaven?  Hm...

Wild Strawberries

picture from http://magickcanoe.com/blog/2006/06/29/wild-
strawberries-and-goats/

Saw some wild strawberries today, and of course ate them.  As I ate, I had a great feeling of joy and contentment... so thank You for that gift.

Genesis 7

This story (the flood) reminds me of Your destructive power--You can be that way when You want to.  I always think of You as gentle, but in the Old Testament You're rather much destructive.  Getting those animals into the ark must have been difficult!  I've always loved how every culture has a flood in their myths--maybe there really was a worldwide flood.  If so, that was one big ark!  What else... I'm sorry, really not feeling it today.  At all.  Very tired.  Please help me to be faithful today anyway, now of all times, when I'm not feeling it.  Because feelings aren't as important as we think they are, i think.  Wow, so much death, and so much water.  You seem to do everything in this chapter--You close the ark, You make the flood, You send the animals to Noah.

The Sun

So, I've decided to add another part to this blog.  Every day, I'll post a picture that has something to do with a moment where I saw God.  Or maybe just describe the moment.

image from http://www.solarnavigator.net/the_sun.htm

Today the warmth of the sun reminded me of God's presence.

Genesis 6

Interesting... Your children, Adam and Eve's children, seen as separate from "men."  Almost as a different race/species.  Because didn't have God?  Or know You, I mean?  Also interesting that my first reaction wasn't at the injustice.  Also makes me think of Many Waters by Madeleine L'Engle.  You were very specific about the ark.  If I remember correctly, this is another one where there are two versions of the story.  But no one ever talks about the other one... Also, Noah described as "a righteous man, blameless in his generation"--what about his drunkenness?  Or is this version ignoring that, or is he just "blameless" compared to everyone else in his generation who was crazy wicked?  But why have the sudden comparative "good"--You're all about 'This is good and this is bad', right?  But also not supposed to judge, so maybe it's all up to You.

Genesis 5

Mostly genealogy.  Everyone lived something like 900 years--hm... Yoda people!  How did they do that?  How come we don't live 900 years? (although trust me, I'm not complaining). I think I read somewhere (CS Lewis?) that it was leftover from the Garden of Eden and man's intended immortality.  Everyone except Enoch, who was taken by God after 300 years.  I guess this really shows how important ancestry was to the Israelites.  It is really interested the tidbits they include about people when they do these genealogies, like about Enoch and Lamech naming Noah (although those are some of really the only ones here in this chapter).  Always used to want to make a family tree out of the genealogies in the Bible, just thought it would be cool.  Difficult, of course, mostly because so many people, and they do tend to skip people.  Is it important to understand your heritage?  Not just your parents--obviously they influence you--but generations back?  Interesting question.

Genesis 4

It's interesting how here everyone still hears God's voice and still talks with him almost like they're face-to-face.  Literary embellishment or truth?  Abel and Cain--jealousy.  Why didn't You like Cain's offering?  And seems like You just brush off his anger and upsetness.  But later you address his concerns even while punishing him for killing Abel--you still loved him.  Good to know.  But I've heard You view all sin as the same--is that true?  Please help me to recognize my sin and truly repent of it--I've always been bad at that.

Genesis 3

Hm... temptation.  Blaming others instead of taking responsibility.  (Like childbirth wouldn't already have hurt?  But maybe it wouldn't have, I guess You can do anything You want).  Shame--trying to hide from God.  But he already knows.  Why did You even ask where they were--didn't You already know?  Or did You just want to hear them say it, force them to recognize what they'd done?  Well, sort of.  Not sure they--or we--could ever really understand.  So, we were created to be good and pure.  Our deepest nature is to be good.  But since the Fall, it's been much easier to do evil--as evil is always easier, and can come about just by neglect, whereas you have to work at being good because of the conflicting, overlapping temptation to do evil (i.e. take the easy way out).  Make sense?  Not sure it says what I'm trying to say, what else is new.

Genesis 2

The first part of this sounded really beautiful, very mystical.  Suddenly wish I'd been there.  I bet that would have been completely awe-inspiring.  Second creation myth here?  Remember my Bible always said that.  Seems to to me.  Why does no one talk about that one?  Doesn't that contradict the first one?  So how can people jump from one myth to the other?  Urgh.  You created the world, the universe.  Do I really believe that right now?  Don't know.  Do I really need to feel these things?  Don't remember.  Remember I used to think so.  Prayed all the time that I would really feel my beliefs, in my heart.  But now I'm not so sure.  Are emotions really important to You?  Don't You just want us to follow You, whatever we feel, and feeling sometimes just get in the way?  And should be ignored?  Don't know.  The other thing this passage brings up is evolution.  Not a word about evolution--well, duh.  So what I should I think/believe?  I've never believed in the seven-day creation myth before, but lately I've been feeling uncomfortable about that. You prompting me, or me just thinking I should think such-and-such because I'm a 'Christian'?  Ugh.  Anyway... For instance, the idea that plants need humans to grow is completely ridiculous.  Should I be word-for-word analyzing this?  Is that in the Spirit of Your law?  Or should I just do what I've always done and just say 'The point I get out of this is that You created everything'?  But really, is it legit for me to say, 'This one part of the Bible is stupid so I don't believe that--but don't worry, I believe the rest of it'?  Please guide me, Lord.

Genesis 1

Genesis 1.  Creation.  Like "And the Spirit of God was moving over the face of the waters."  Thought it was interesting that here you knew exactly what you wanted to create but didn't see that it was good until after created.  Don't you know everything?  Very mythical language (and bulky--or is that just the translation?).  It's kind of beautiful to imagine, actually, everything springing into being.  Nature is very good here (in a way people aren't?).  And then you give people nature--ick.  Never liked this.  Always used to think a lot about what I didn't like in the Bible.  Good or bad?  Should I just believe everything?  That sounds kinda stupid, not gonna lie.  Let me know... feel like I've always had the most trouble finding a way to really listen, to know what you want.  Never trusted my feelings--can't feelings be manipulated?  A lot?  ... Also trouble with obeying.

Introduction

Ever wonder why to read the Bible, what it can teach us?  I know I do sometimes.  But it’s the stories of hundreds of other people, trying to follow God.  Imagine everything their stories could teach us!   So that’s what I’m doing here.  I’m reading the Bible, one chapter at a time, and writing about what it made me think of, what insights I gained, what God says to me about it.  Forgive me if they’re a bit stream of consciousness.  But I felt God calling me to start a blog based on my reflections, so I hope and pray that they will make you think, and that God will show Himself to you through them.