Cleaning

At work today we were weeding and cleaning. Since it's rather mindless work a lot of the time, it gave me a lot of time to think, and I actually started thinking about the processes of those two very similar tasks. In The Shack, there is a scene where the main character works in a garden (both weeding and pruning) that turns out to be his soul, and that metaphor came back to me as I was weeding today. I was thinking about: how do you know what's a weed? You have to have experience, and often help at first, to know what's a weed and what's good. Weeding is also hard work, just like working with God for a better, more Christ-like soul is. You have to make choices--am I going to pull every single one of these tiny little weeds? Are they really that important? Wouldn't it be easier to come back later and do them? Finally, weeding can be discouraging. Weeds will just keep popping back up, no matter what you do. Weeding can feel pointless, if you're not careful. But think what a mess a garden would be if you never weeded! You would never get fruit or veggies or whatever out of that garden!! And the fight for our souls is the same way--it may feel hopeless sometimes, like we'll never succeed in getting a perfect spotless soul--and we won't, even with God's help, at least not on this earth--but that doesn't mean we shouldn't try!

Later we were cleaning. When you're cleaning (especially something that isn't yours--sorry, sad but true) it's so easy to get into a mechanical state, where you just do the task without thinking about it. That often means that you don't scrub at that mark on the floor, you just mop without paying the least bit of attention to what you're doing. How often do my times with God just become mechanical--read this chapter of the Bible, now read this book, now pray for these things, now do this, now to that--without making any sort of impression on me?

Psalm 86

This psalm really said almost everything I'm thinking about my faith right now. David praises God, asks for His protection and His help in his faith walk, and admits his own sinfulness. It really seemed like he said everything I want to say to God right now. It was pretty amazing!

Colossians 3:14

"And above all these things put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony."

That comment about love just really struck me as being so true. Think about it--we humans were created for love by God, and so was the whole world. He loved us so much that He initiated a relationship with humans. He loved us so much that He allowed His son to die for us, to redeem us. Love really does hold the whole world together!!

Psalm 25, 27

In both psalms, David writes about his faith in God, and that faith just blows me away. He calls on Him for forgiveness, for guidance, for wisdom, for protection, and he thinks God can do anything he asks. But He can! I have trouble wrapping my mind around the idea and believing it, but God did say that if we prayed for anything with faith, even for "a mountain to throw itself into the ocean" (Mark 11:23), He would grant our request. Wow!

Psalm 14

The first time I read this psalm, I was caught by the first line: "The fool says in his heart, 'There is no God.'" And maybe they are fools, for not recognizing or accepting God. But there are so many of them, all around, that thinking of them as fools is probably not a good idea--it's hard to be Christian towards someone you think is a fool. Yes, they're wrong, but I can also understand where they're coming from--it's hard to see God when you don't believe in Him, and even harder to accept His guidance when you're used to doing whatever you want.

On my second read-through, I noticed more how David laments the evil and the evil people in the world. That's something that we're still doing today. It's a nice reminder that the people in the Bible weren't so different from us.

Psalm 4

As I read this, a bunch of different thoughts flashed through my head. In verse 2 David wonders how much longer men will "love vain words and seek after lies." A lot of things have changed since David wrote this psalm, but that hasn't--humans are still seeking the wrong things, still sinful. Verses 3 and 5 comforted me: "The Lord hears when I call him" and "Put your trust in the Lord." And verse 7, speaking of people who doubt God: "Thou hast put more joy in my heart than they have when their grain and wine abound." God gives me joy, even though I have doubts and bad days, and I thank Him for that.

Job

I finished the book of Job a few days ago, and was really surprised at what I found.

The story of Job is often portrayed as the tale of a righteous man who suffers through trials that he did not deserve. His friends told him that he did deserve them, and that he should figure out what his sin was and confess it. Job is portrayed as a hero for sticking to his convictions and refusing to admit that he did anything wrong.

That wasn't exactly what I found. Yes, Job was righteous, and his story contradicts the common thought of the time that hard times are a direct result of a sin or sinful lifestyle. If anything, though, I thought Job was really stubborn, and not in a good way. Why not even consider the possibility that he had done something wrong, even unintentionally? That smacks of pride to me. And his proclamations that he had absolutely not sinned in any way were incredibly arrogant and incredibly untrue. I disagreed with Job's friends' stubborn insistence that Job must have deserved what happened to him in some way, but I did think all of them were right in insisting that man, including Job, is inherently depraved, that God is thousands of times higher than us, and that God has his reasons.

And when God comes to talk to Job, He doesn't exactly praise Job for his insistence that he'd done nothing wrong. He tells him that he understands absolutely nothing, and that He was much wiser and knew what He was doing. And then He reprimands Job's friends (although I didn't get the reason at all).

Struggle

I feel like I've really been struggling spiritually lately.

You may remember that last week I promised to pray about everything for a week. The results were, more than anything else, frustrating. If I stopped praying for not very long, things really bothered me, or I just suddenly felt really down. The devil trying to tempt me? Proof that prayer does help keep me joyful? I don't know, but I do know that these lows made and make me feel so far from God. It feels impossible to get back to Him. I feel like my prayers aren't making a difference, which even I know is silly. There was the time that I prayed for a car pulling a trailer that looked really dangerous and unstable, and when I turned the corner, the driver had pulled over and was adjusting things in the trailer; there have been the multiple times when I've prayed for strength to get through something when I felt that I just couldn't, and I did in fact make it through, and even do very well indeed sometimes.

My life has suddenly become so results-oriented. When I read a book, I get more excited to be able to finish it and cross it off my list than I am about actually reading it. When I read the Bible in the morning, I'm glad when I've finished my reading even if I haven't gotten anything out of it. When I finish a book of the Bible, I feel accomplished just to be done. Please show me, Lord, that the journey is often more important than reaching the end, or maybe that the real goal is to learn something, not just to finish.