Small things

It's so easy to get caught up in the routine and bustle of everyday life.  Please help me to see You in the small things.

Thanks you God for this day!

Walking in the rain

Today I watched the movie The Encounter, which was amazing and I'd highly recommend it.  It's about five people who are stuck at a diner during a storm, and while they're there Jesus comes and talks to them all about their lives.  It was very moving and thought-provoking.

I also went for a walk with God today.  We just walked and talked.  It was very peaceful, and definitely something I need to do more often.

Habakkuk 3:17-18

"Though the fig tree do not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines, the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food, the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stables, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation."  Habakkuk 3:17-18

Just... wow.  What a beautiful statement, what a beautiful faith that must have been.

Matthew 10

Freaked me out, I forget how uncompromising You can be--are?  Maybe I understand You wrong, but in my life sometimes You seem to change Your mind, be willing to forgive.  Maybe I'm confusing forgiving with compromising.  Like when I was reading a lot of this, it was just going over my head, but I heard You say, "That's OK, that's not important right now."  But I got to other parts, where You say, "Don't deny me before man, or I will deny you before the Father" I'm afraid.  I do deny You.  I do fail to tell people about You.  Please forgive me, please teach me and guide me in how to do that.  Please help me to live  my life as a testimony to You.  But I am afraid. You seemed much less forgiving and more no-nonsense than You ever seem when I'm talking with You.  Please give me the strength to follow You. Maybe You just seem uncompromising because You imply (say?  can't remember) that it's You or hell.  Is there really a hell?  That's a very uncompromising statement.  Also, if someone didn't believe that You were God, a completely crazy one.  The people who first heard You must have been so confused!  Or thought You were crazy.  Reminded me of CS Lewis, said that can't take You as an amazing guy without believing You're also God, because if don't believe You're God than all the stuff You said about it just makes You sound completely crazy.  How/why did the disciples first decide You were God, I wonder?  Did You ever say it?  Not sure, but You do show it, through miracles, through knowledge, through love.  Maybe actions are more important than words.  OK, (almost) definitely.  Can lie with words, words so arbitrary, so easy to manipulate.  But can lie with actions, too, pretend to be someone you're not, or your actions can fail to express what you want to express, what you feel,

Matthew 8:14-34

What really struck me as I was reading was verses 14-15.  Jesus heals Peter's mother-in-law; she then immediately gets up and serves everyone.  Would I do that?  I really don't think so.  I'm so lazy--I spend so much time wasting time, rather than forcing myself to do things--and I haven't spent nearly enough time serving people lately.  I think that if that'd been me I would've just laid there, thinking about how I was just sick and needed to rest.  Ick.  Please give me an opportunity to serve someone today, Lord, and please help me to not pass the opportunity by.

Love God with everything you are.

Emotions

Emotions aren't always bad.  God gave us emotions, and He wants us to accept them, to deal with them--not to ignore them, to squelch them away.  But God also don't want us to be ruled by our emotions, to let them affect how we act.

Matthew 4

Matthew 4:1-11

Jesus' temptation in the desert.  If only temptation was always so clear.  Were You tempted?  Shomehow that insinuating tone reminded me of when i've been tempted--and unlike You, I don't always resist.  Don't ever try to, sometimes.  But You were tempted and never, ever gave in--so You can help us resist, and know what we're going thrue.  And was this the only time You resisted temptation?  I rather doubt it.  There's temptation every day, everywhere.  The devil is good at his game.

What was it like, growing up as You?  Did You always know You were the son of God?  If not, when did You find out, and how?  But when You were 12, You were teaching at the temple, so You must have been pretty young.  Did You have any friends?  Did You have to learn things like carpentry and the words of the Old Testament, or did You just know them?  Did You ever feel just unbearably different and lonely?

Matthew 4:23-25

You're healing people.  My first thouight was, 'Iwish it was really that easy.  Especialy to heal problems of the sould, not of the body."  But it can be--You can do anything, You just don't always choose to.  Where would be be if You always just did everything for us?  Not sure that came out right--You do help us with everything, after all, since we can't do it on our own--but if You did everything for us with a snap of Your fingers we'd never learn anything, never have to make choices.  Do I really believe that, or am I just saying it because I think it's the right answer?  I don't know, but I do know that right now, I am glad You don't do everything for me, even if I also wish for You healing for my many, many problems.

Decision

This faith is a decision, a decision made over and over and over, of small, small decisions.  Do I pray for five more minutes?  Do I pick up that bottle? Do I follow that still small voice?

Lately I've been making those decisions wrongly.  Slowly, slowly, it's built up, until all of a sudden listening to God isn't quite as important as it was to me one week ago, two weeks ago.  It's so, so easy to take the easy way, to focus on the wrong things.  Following God is not easy, and we have to guard against making wrong choices, especially small ones that don't seem so wrong to us.

But most of all, we need to rely on God.  He knows the future, what's best for you, what you're doing wrong.  He will help you choose the right path the more difficulty path, and he will help you overcome every difficulty you encounter.

Meh

Today just did not go well.  I just complained about everything, didn't do anything productive, thought mean things about people.  I feel like today was such a waste.  Lord, please help me to enjoy everything I do tomorrow, to give me true joy, to give me the patience to be kind to everyone.

Worry

A few days ago, I just could not sleep for worrying.  There was just so much that needed to be done--homework for three separate, intensive classes, an independent project, work on the church Advent play, group activities, keeping in contact with friends and family.  And then there's next semester to worry about--will my work-study position work out, the classes I'm taking, registration, plus clubs, not knowing where I'm living.  The worries kept whirling and whirling and growing inside my head.
Finally I turned the light on--I obviously wasn't going to get to sleep anytime soon.  I felt God whispering to me, to write in my journal, to pour it all out to Him.  So I did, I wrote about every single thing that was worrying me, and as I did, I felt His peace and comfort come over me.  Everything would work out; God was and is in control.

Leviticus 20:6-21:6

This passage is all about how Jews, as God's chosen people, should be holy, should be different than the other peoples.  The same is true of us as Christians.  We're no longer required to offer sacrifices in the temple or refrain from eating pork, but we are required to keep ourselves holy (with God's help, of course!), to view our bodies and our lives as temples to God, to behave differently than others--with love, with purity, with righteousness.  I'm not advocating being purposefully, intentionally different, necessarily, I mean simply that the way we live our lives, as Christians, is ultimately different than how a 'normal' person would live his or her life.  Of course we will not succeed by ourselves and need God's help every step of the way, but that's no reason not to strive.

Fasting

Today, completely spontaneously, I fasted.  It was my first time, and it was really really interesting.  I was surprised at how not hungry I was most of the day--I mostly just got hungry around meal times.  Not eating definitely made me realize how much food there is, all over--restaurants, street vendors, grocery stores.  I thought a lot about people who can't eat the food that's all around, not because they have chosen to abstain, but because they don't have the money to.  Lord, please be with those people, and please help us to be generous with those who need help.